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vdum6e
|
16/06/2022
| 1
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/vdum6e/my_stranger_mom/
|
step child
|
My stepmom doesn’t feel like a real mom so it’s kind of weird whenever she is really mean to me which is almost always it feels like a stranger is just coming up to me and yelling at me which is really rude of her in movies with stepparents the kids are the ones that are really mean to the stepparents and the stepparents are always really nice but I guess in real life it’s the opposite and the stepparents are more meaner to the kids and since my stepparent has kids already she treats them a little bit better like my sister‘s sixth birthday she had a whole entire quinceanera and I just had cake and some presents which is actually way better than a quinceanera because I like it not super HUGE. But it’s still super unfair and she also yells her face and whenever we’re playing a game she just says stop doing that even if we’re literally just playing lemonade she’s still very nice sometimes and she’s not the worst but one time she was so drunk that she text did my stepdad and my real mom with death threats and saying stuff about us and whenever they told me that she texted that to them I really did not like her at all.
|
Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse
|
10ffcke
|
18/01/2023
| 6
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/10ffcke/i_hate_my_stepdad/
|
step child
|
He is trying to get involved with my mother’s discipline techniques but is just getting in the way.
He is just so strict that I feel as if I am walking on egg shells around him
I ask what times for dinner, phones off.
I ask him and my mother to turn the tv done a bit whilst I am sleeping, phones off.
It could be any little thing and he would take my phone off. Now I know that having your phone taken off isn’t that bad its just that the phone gets taken off along with a 30 minute to an hour lecture comes with it. It’s not even a good lecture he just repeats the exact same thing every 5 minutes. It has gotten to the point that whenever I am near that man he is telling me off for literally nothing. Even my mother agrees that sometimes it’s to much but he always used the same excuse every time, ‘I’m protecting your mother.’
He’s only been with my mother for 3 months and they are engaged. I can’t live like this.
|
Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse
|
mmlqny
|
08/04/2021
| 4
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/mmlqny/tonight_was_the_final_straw/
|
step child
|
TW for slight sexual assault btw. Been having problems with my stepdad for years. Emotionally and sometimes physically abusive but it wasn't anything I couldn't get over. I figured I could save my money and put up with it for another year then move out.
I usually take showers in the morning but he was getting mad that I kept taking all the hot water. Tonight was the first night I took a shower at night. When my brother was asleep and my mom was at work. To make it short I caught him unlocking the bathroom door with a master key. I suspect he's been taking pictures of me because earlier on I thought I saw a shadow move above my head in the shower.
I don't know how to feel. I much prefer the normal abuse over this. I feel disgusting. I feel violated. I feel ashamed.
EDIT: In regards to the comments, I'm considered legally an adult. I don't think there's much I can do if I'm not a minor. My mother refuses to confront him about it. Thank you though.
|
Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse
|
m9ep69
|
20/03/2021
| 3
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/m9ep69/my_stepfather_abuses_me_and_my_family_for_4_years/
|
step child
|
so my mom kicked my dad out when i was six
she got a new boyfriend about a year later and he was okay....... so here is a list of things he did lol:
Was abusing her, tried to spoil us (4 kids), after my mom had enough he tried to: kill our horse (monty the horse he is nice and okay.. luckily my mom saved him :\]), stalked my mom, throwed rocks at our windows and tried to take us -\_\_\_-
so after that shit ended she got a new boyfriend....and this one ACTUALLY THINKS HE IS A GOD (thats what i think he thinks)
list of things he did over the 4 years we had to live with him (not much of a list)
At the first half year he acted like a very good person and he was like a normal chill dude, we all liked him :D
so when he moved in the shit started happening
My grandma (a future predictor) told us she had a bad vibe about himmmmm lmfaoooo....
when we were eating he would often just hit me in the face for talking while eating (even tho he was talking to my mom the whole time he ate)
once i was just sitting normally at the table eating and my arms were like on the table....like you would normally eat but they were one centimeter more spaced out than usual because i got the biggest plate we owned. he then with his arms spaced out so much that i could see his man boobs hit me in the face with his elbow
(i am listing things yes...)
he just tells me to fuck off sometimes just because i was talking to my sister
once he made my 15 year old brother cry because he had enough of this shit
(i am not writing this in chronological order just because i dont remember what all happened)
One of the most painful things he did to me was that he slammed my face into a cabinet and my tooth gum Ripped...and when i look into it rn i think my mom didnt care because she didnt tell him anything because she didnt care about me...soooo yea
if you want proof i can take a photo of it loll :D i still dont have that piece of gum there even tho its healing very slowly
so for a week i had a piece of gum there on my tooth just flopping around until it fell of because it died...(the flesh died yes)
When he is watching TV and i tell my brother something he just starts yelling at me (this sounds so fake.....i expect the BS comments )
He Smashed the tablet i got from my dad .... details:
I was about 8 and i didnt know how to delete the password i had there so he just broke the tablet....he threw it on the floor and started jumping on it and then he broke it in half after that he just threw the rest of it in the trash....i remember taking some of the circuit boards out of the trash because i was so sad loolll.
My grandma threatens to throw him out of the house (her house...) but she never did
so if you want part 2 just tell me :D i really would love to tell yall what happened to him (i think you would know by reading this already lol)
ok :D
|
Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse
|
tj4yfl
|
21/03/2022
| 5
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/tj4yfl/i_see_a_lot_of_posts_here_about_stepkids_whos/
|
step child
|
my stepmom who i’ve known since forever at one point when i was 7 became very mean and accused me of hating her and just misinterpreted every single thing. when i was 10 my dad and her had a kid and for the longest she accused me of being jealous of her, bc she assumed i would be since i am the youngest of my dad and mom. that was 100% not the case btw. and she would always accuse me of not liking her and her kids because of my dad?? now mind you i was young and i cry very easily so when she’d ask me this stuff i’d get nervous and hold back tears because i was a whole child. so yeah sometimes i just went with what she said, or said i don’t know. for the longest she accused me of “alligator tears” aka fake crying(i still to this day do not know how to fake cry). and yeah just a whole bunch of stuff that i realize now was insanely messed up and i’m dealing with mental issues related to all of that. so then around i want to say 2-3 years ago she just stopped being as bad. she doesn’t really do much to me now and she’s pretty okay most of the time except that she does get angry very easily and stressed out and yell(which in turn makes me anxious) but that’s typically triggered by her own kids, still this usually turns her attention to every little thing which gets me in trouble for the dumbest things(like putting a pan in the wrong place in the new house bc i didn’t know where it goes and apparently i should’ve left it on the counter just??). so i guess she’s not the best but certainly better and sometimes i truly appreciate and enjoy being around her. and sorry this went on for a while but i just want to know if anyone else has experienced this??
|
Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse
|
mjhgam
|
03/04/2021
| 7
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/mjhgam/giving_up_on_any_form_of_relationship_with_my/
|
step child
|
Hello, I suppose im looking for some advice on my situation and whether there is any hope regarding my relationship with my stepdad. Also, maybe if there's any different perspectives regarding him. my sister (23F) and I (22F) were raised by my single mom for most of our life and she never really settled with any partner until a few years ago. In the beginning he was okay at first: nice and cared for my sister and I. Few years past like maybe 3 and things got weird, the gaslighting and yelling began but it wasn't terrible. Another 1-2 years passed and my mom got pregnant and she didn't want to keep the child but he convinced her, so that was weird. After she gave birth, he took like a whole 180 on his personality. The gaslighting, shouting, cheating, lecturing about the dumbest things you can think of was on a whole new level. I couldn't even make a cup of coffee without him lecturing me about how my method of making coffee was wrong and how Im too rude to implement his "suggestions". Speaking to him was like walking on eggshells, you never know when he will snap at you and you can be extremely kind but he will still go off on you to prove he is correct and you are wrong. Also, he cheated on my mom a few times within their 6-ish years of being together and has not apologized for it, but denies it! Also how he treated my sister - She is pretty young, 23, and has a boyfriend much older, around 50 something. My stepdad was pissed and hated it and hates her boyfriend just because of the age. After finding out, he treated her worse than my mom and I. She got yelled at everyday for again silly things like ordering from amazon? She had enough and moved out- im happy for her because it sucks here. He cant even be happy for her for anything, she got accepted for a masters program and he just critiqued her program of choice and said her boyfriend will dump her and leave her on the streets (what does her bf have to do with her accomplishments?). So all this was really pushing me to never want to talk to him when I move out or have any form of relationship. However, somehow it got worse. When my sister was still here, they got into an argument like usual. She ordered from amazon and he got pissed and lectured her, she argued back and brought up his cheating and he decided to say that her and me are not his children and only his biological child is in fact his only child. Argument ended there (not sure why I was brought into into his argument but oh well). I found it funny because he is a people pleaser and loves bragging about my sister and I with his friends and family and how he is so proud of us , calls us his daughters , yet he says something like that and treats us like crap. It also did shed some light of how he really views us vs. his biological child. It made me realize how much happier I was without any type of father figure and I wonder why my mom is still with him and yes I know leaving is not easy. I saw some other posts about trying to understand your stepparent's side and respecting them etc. I do respect him but I dont like him and dont understand how he cant see his wrongdoings and blame my mom or me and acts like it makes perfect sense, I really dont understand. Now, I dont engage In any possible arguments, talk to him when needed, act like everything is okay and just waiting for the day I can move out! A small part of me feels guilty for not wanting to continue a relationship with him in the future, because im thankful for everything he has done for me like helping to pay for my tuition but it doesn't really make up for all the terrible things I have to deal with due to him plus the impact on my mental health. Also, in the past we did have a "discussion" with him regarding his behaviour toward us which led to him becoming upset and leaving the house for a few hours so I dont think he is mature enough to sit down and listen to us to really try and understand our pov. I get it might feel like we were "ganging" up on him but how else are we suppose to tell him how we feel.
|
Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse
|
ri1xl8
|
16/12/2021
| 5
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/ri1xl8/im_scared_of_my_stepdad/
|
step child
|
I've talked about this with my mom and my therapist but wanted to vent/ask for advice from other folks from blended families. My mom married my stepdad in 2018, and he and his kids moved in with us about a year before that. ( I try not to be vindictive but they had a family meeting after dating for 2 months to ask everyone, adult children included if they should move in together, everyone said no, and they went ahead and did it) My mom's always had a pretty clear type in men, disciplinary/dominant military/policemen who're bald/have short hair. We grew up without any male figures in the house, she and my nana raised us in an all-girl household. (i'm trans ftm (he/him)please don't misgender me). All of my siblings and I have been shy/scared of men since we were little, we weren't used to them. So whenever my mom dated someone who was her type they were the complete opposite and we never liked them. (think instead of dating some softspoken gardener she date loud aggressive military officer)
My stepdad and his family are very complicated. All of his kids, adults and those still living with him confirmed that he was abusive, though he was slightly better than their neglectful alcoholic moms/stepmoms. I am 17 and live with my nana, my older bio sister, my older stepsister, and my older stepbrother. I'm the only minor and live with them paying rent so I can finish my senior year without moving and go to a local college.
My mom, stepdad, twin sister, and two younger stepbrothers live in another state. They moved up there about a year ago, and now that I've had time separate from my stepdad, I realized I didn't just dislike him, but he actively frightens me. Since they started dating I was already wary of him, I didn't like his personality or how he treated his kids (very assertive personality, y'know the common military father type).
In the early years of them all living with us, he actively 'disciplined' my stepbrothers. It was frightening. None of my siblings had ever even really heard a man yell, and at most my mom spanked us. But he actively beat my stepbrothers with belts, and the walls and floors in my house were thin, so no matter how much I covered my ears, or hid in the closet, or listened to music, I still heard my stepbrothers screaming for him to stop and crying for help. (These incidents only happened when they got into physical fights with each other/my stepdad or were rude to each other or my stepdad, ie regular/maybe anger issues teenage boy behavior)
After this, he did stop hitting them but continues to this day threatening to fight them when he argues (I don't think it was ever appropriate for some 50-year-old veteran to threaten to fight a middle schooler but I digress)
Now whenever I have to visit their house for holidays/my mom misses me, I get extreme anxiety being there (mostly for a few days but I once stayed a week and came back exhausted) I had anxiety when we all lived together, but now that I've been living without my stepdad for a minute, I actually see the difference of me being anxious/my behavior. I've bitten my nails so short they bleed, and I am in and out of the bathroom every 5 minutes with (sorry for the tmi) anxiety shits
I continuously survey the room to see how everyone is acting and if he's there or not. If I see him/hear him or I think I see him/hear him, I start monitoring how all of my family is acting and try and control them so they don't make a wrong comment and start a fight. Every waking moment around him I am stressing out because I know if I don't fix how my siblings act around him, they could say something wrong and he would go off. My therapist says this might be a trauma response from me, and from what I described it seems like I'm in fight or flight mode constantly whenever he's around, which probably isn't good for my physical wellbeing.
The experiences I've witnessed coupled with the stories I hear from his adult kids and my younger stepbrother of him abusing them/neglecting them/worse makes me feel very unsafe around him.
I've talked to my mom about this, and I know it must break her heart, her kid being terrified by someone she loves and she can't really do anything about it. She says he's changed, but tbh it hasn't been that long since I've known him. I was in 8th grade when they started dating, and now I'm in 12th, his behavior and actions may have changed more positively over this short few years, but I doubt how much better he'll get. I told my mom if he still acts like this when I'm in my later 20s, I might have to cut him off. He's 51 rn, and he has been in the military and sheriff departments for years, If he can't mature more after what must've been very maturing/growing experiences, I don't think he will.
I hate upsetting my mom, but he's so incredibly frightening/anxiety-inducing, I KNOW that not being around him/in contact with him would be the best for my mental health.
These actions, plus his words don't help either. My mom says he likes 'stirring the pot' (whatever that means) and he's never serious. I don't know how she married someone and they refuse to talk about politics when someone's morals and values are so important and intimate to know about one another. I don't really want to bring up politics here, I don't know if it would be appropriate, but as someone in the LGBT community, I don't feel safe around him or anyone he's friends with. It's different if he got gifted some trump pence mug as a free add-on from some company he bought from, but he put a trump pence pin on his motorcycle jacket with he wears a lot. Seeing that around the house and with him in public doesn't make me feel safe. At all. It's scary, I feel like I can't come out/transition socially (even though almost all of my family and friends would support me) because I have absolutely no clue where he stands on lgbt ppl. I'm scared he'd hurt me or deny that I exist or something worse.
It really hurts me that my mom takes his side over me, she's known me longer than him but it feels like she loves him more. I TOLD her I he makes me feel unsafe and I feel unsafe in what is supposed to be my 'second home'. Why didn't she care more? I don't get it. It feels like she loves him more than me.
I feel bad about feeling this way because I know it's been way better for my stepsiblings now that my mom is involved. All of their mother figures have been alcoholic/abusive/neglectful, and my mom loves them like they're her own born and raised. And obviously because of my mom my stepdad isn't physically abusive anymore, so I feel bad wishing they never met because then my stepbrothers would still be getting hurt.
No one else in my family really feels this way, except my older bio-sister. She hates him but isn't scared of him. I feel weak and pathetic because I'm scared of someone who I have so little respect for. My twin isn't even scared of him either. Though I worry about her because it seems like she's just going through the motions, she doesn't have any real opinion on anything because she just adapts to every incident that occurs. She just goes along with everything that happens.
Any advice on stuff I haven't tried yet? Sorry for the long post, there's just so much going on and I feel like no one relates to me.
|
Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse
|
orxbcq
|
26/07/2021
| 8
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/orxbcq/should_i_give_my_moms_boyfriend_a_chance/
|
step child
|
Not sure if this is the best place to post but i just need help. So for ~11 years it's been just me (15M) my sister (13F) and my mom (34F) but recently (~2 years) my mom entered a relationship with a guy (~34M) who has alot of bad history and i'm unsure. Here are some reasons why.
TW/CW: transphobia, domestic violence, cheating, child abuse
1. He has talked about me not being a "real man" for not having male genitalia.
2. He has blamed my mom for not noticing my bio dad abusing me.
3. Over smokes weed (to the point it gets "foggy" indoors), has brought cocaine into my home, and excessively drinks. He has never gotten violent in these times.
4. He had a past with drug deals and was in a gang.
5. Was arrested in the past for domestic violence and armed robbery.
6. Last year, he hit (specifically punched) my mom while she was driving in the highway.
7. He is intimidating to my sister and she is terrified of him.
8. Already has a bio kid but has no custody and barely has a relationship with said kid.
9. He has cheated on my mom before.
So overall has a bad rap sheet but my mom says he had a rough childhood bouncing around foster care and such so his actions are a result of that. But I was adamant about him being an adult now and that is rough past was no excuse to be a bad and irresponsible person now.
More recently he was arrested and placed in prison for the incident with him hitting my mom (among other charges) and is being released in October this year. But my mom reached out to him and they are once again in a relationship and have developed a "closer" relationship. He has profusely apologized and has made attempts at making a relationship with me and my sister.
My mom has made plans of letting him move in with us again (he lived with us for a short amount of time before my mom got his things and kicked him out) and my sister absolutely refuses to be under the same roof as him. So basically if he moves in, she moves out. Obviously I am not going to abandon my little sister so I am going to leave with her. We're probably going to move in with a friend of mine but they have unstable home as well but we have no where else to go. My mom is still going to take care of us financially and medically. I am planning on getting a job and seeing if I could somehow rent an apartment for me and my sister.
But I have started to sympathize with him. Am I being too hard on him? Should I give him a chance? Should I try to sway my sister into giving him a chance?
My mom is incredibly upset with me not wanting him in our lives, saying people make mistakes and they learn from them and i'm stopping her from being happy and that "i want her to be single and alone forever" and it's finally getting to me.
I'm overwhelmed and have no one to talk to about this. Help?
(sorry if i added unnecessary info.)
|
Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse
|
10tugxw
|
04/02/2023
| 20
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/10tugxw/passive_aggressive_stepfather/
|
step child
|
TW: mentions of child molestation, verbal abuse
I am a 23f living with my family; Mom (43), Stepdad (48), and three younger sisters 15, 12, and 10. My stepdad has been in my life since I was 5. (He married my mom when I was 9 after my 15y/o sister was born. My bio dad is a piece of pedophilic trash that I've been nc with for almost 10 years. In the 18 years that my stepdad has known me, he has only been a father to me when I was going through court proceedings because of bio dad molesting me when from age 7-10. Other than that he hasn't tried. He has always treated me differently than my sisters, solely because I'm not his kid. It was worse when he was drinking (he's sober now) but it still goes on. Passive-aggressive comments on how I never do anything around the house, never believing me when my sisters start shit, always commenting on how I'm always in my room (gee I wonder why). I do tell my mom about these and she does confront him about them but it never ends well. He just ends up walking on eggshells around me while still making passive-aggressive comments. I have confronted him myself since becoming an adult but it results in the same. We do have our good moments where we can talk normally but I know that it's short-lived. Basically I'm just venting but also asking how I can go about handling it? TIA
|
Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse
|
14kig3m
|
27/06/2023
| 12
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/14kig3m/my_sd_has_never_loved_me_and_idk_why/
|
step child
|
hey guys, but of a vent here, but also looking for some advice. tws for eating disorders mentioned
the caption says it all really. i’ve known my stepdad (64) since i’ve (nb, 18) been 2/3 years old, and he’s been in my life since my earliest memories. i also have a sibling, 18 months younger than me, from my mum (41) and dad (45) when they were together.
i’ve tried so hard to get him to love me, it’s insane. he’s just always had it out for me, you know ? he didn’t get the “burden” of kids out of the blue, he has 2 sons and a daughter of his own (the eldest, 30, im very close w) so it’s not like he’s new to this experience.
i know most people have ups and downs with their families- especially step- but this is different. he’s always hated me. ever since god, 6 or 7 ? i can remember him commenting on my body. my weight specifically. how i needed to slim down. stop eating. do more exercise. this- as a bullied child at school, hearing the exact same thing from classmates- has sent me into a restrictive eating disorder that i still have today. when id be a teen and just say stupid shit at 12-15 years old, he would slander me for it. call me stupid. say that it’s the reason why im failing. call my brain lazy, call me lazy. comment on me having no friends because i say these stupid things. i cannot remember the last time he said happy birthday to me. i cannot remember the last time we had a genuine, proper conversation that didn’t revolve around housework and chores- and there’s plenty that he could talk about with me. i studied media for 2 years- he owns a media company- not once did he ever give me exam advice, help with homework, talk about media in general with me. id ask, sure, but i’d get a grunt or just a blatant ignoring. i’ve tried everything i can to just win over his love, and it’s impossible. this father’s day i got him flowers. he likes gardening so i thought it’s check out. i got home from work, greeted him with happy father’s day, held out the flowers and he just… walked off.
i’ve sat there and cried for his love. i’ve cried for him to care for me. my mums seen me cry for him to care. my mums cried with me, for him to just care, and he doesn’t. even my eldest brother has tried begging him for him to care and look after me. he says how i’m not his problem and i’m lucky enough to have his finances spent on me. he called me a financial burden on my 14th birthday. i asked him why he doesn’t want to talk to me or care for me, and he told me it’s because i’m not his kid so why should he bother. i even asked for him to adopt me at one point, because maybe it’ll change things. maybe it would make me more his kid, but he said it wouldn’t and it never will. it’s heartbreaking. he can care enough for my half sister (9)- my mum and SD’d kid- so so easily. but just not for me. i want him to so bad, i wish he loved me. i just do not know how much longer i can try for
edit: i can see how this post may make my mum come across as abusive. for the most part, she isn’t. emotionally, she’s been a single mother to 2 mentally ill + autistic kids since the age of 21- she’s tried her absolute hardest. sure, there’s been massive massive ups and downs but we aren’t normal kids and she hasn’t had the emotional help she’s needed. i was looking to move into my own place but at 18 and on minimum wage for my age it’s not easy at all to support myself, as well as being in full time education which costs me £60 a week just to get to via train, not even including food, drink and other finances once i’m there
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Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse
|
14ywoig
|
13/07/2023
| 30
|
step child
|
Me (22M) and my SM have had a rough relationship over the past few years. To make a long story short, I moved in with her and my dad at the tail end of 2020 after a falling out with my mother. I was always present in both parents lives, just lived with my mom. Anyways, at one point me and SM got into a big fight (my fault) that I did not see as big as she did nd it changed our relationship going forward. Despite years passing and my attempts at mending things and being part of the family, she has remained icy. This part isn’t relevant to my actual question, but context is important as always. So we’re having a conversation over text that becomes heated, and declares everything involving us is basically my fault and I need to be an adult. Fine. I’ll accept that and try to move on. However, when telling my side I mention how I was hurt she wouldn’t come to my college graduation because my younger sister had a dance recital and was responded to with this (see image). I’m not asking for advice necessarily on everything else, giving full context would be too much and I’ve already admittted guilt and apologized a ton. But how do I deal with being told I’m not as important? If it was an equally important event then fine I get it, but it was one of many dance recitals and she just started high school so there will be many more. How do I deal with my emotions? I was always told I was seen as equal to my siblings, but I suppose that wasn’t true.
|
Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse
|
|
knt428
|
31/12/2020
| 5
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/knt428/question_regarding_my_stepdad/
|
step child
|
I have very bad relationship with my stepfather. It goes back to start. My biological dad was terrible man who made lot of debts trying to work in his pseudo-buisness. My mother did not have almost anything but basic education and met my stepdad during trying to finish economic school. Mother had only me and my elder brother who stayed with my dad.
During several first years of their marriage mother did not make any money and during that time stepfather was paying for everything regarding me. Up to this day he makes accountable for this basically that I owe him. He was shouting at me during my whole childhood that I am costing him. Ignoring that he himself had also children from previous marriage (he was twice divorced before and had three children from those marriages)
My stepfather abuse me very often me and my mother both. He has drinking problems. He had bad childhood his father was criminal who ended up in jail, his mother religious person from *Jehovah's Witnesses* sekt. Thus he had no gifts for chirstmas or birthday. Rest of his life was not easy. He was almost killed during serving military. Twice divorced. His first wife made lot of debts on him becasue she did not pay the rent. It became as time went on very apparent that my stepfather has need to compensate his problems from childhood on me. If he did not had anything, he inteded beat me in the head with every penny on my expenses.
What made all matters worse was the fact I had hard diagnose of ADHD. Thus I had problem with works at our home and did not understand something. My stepfather base mood is being angry which did not help during my when he was trying to explain me something. Thus I sucked at doing labours.
Today I am already student at University. He still is angry about the money he paid for me instead of mother years ago. But not only that he is angry that my money supports. During that time I ended up at mental hospital and now I suffer from multiple sclerosis. Yet I am still hearing about how all his other children already fully support themselves 100% despite them not studying. It´s getting really physchological toll on me.
I would like for advices here, because I am not good at words when it come to defend myself and any advice would be really welcomed. I just dont belive this should be happening.
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Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse
|
k77i0q
|
05/12/2020
| 16
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/k77i0q/evil_stepmom/
|
step child
|
WARNING: These are my thoughts and memories bleeding out to whatever this media may be...
it might be confusing because I'm typing it as I think it,
Why I was not a good kid in school.
I am a sensitive person, and have lived a weird life.
I used to be a happy bubbly kid bursting with a thirst for knowledge and exploration.
My life as I remember it:
I was born from a mother and father who were 16 and 20 if I recall correctly.
I stole my first pack of gum when i was five years old. Five... Thinking back, its crazy to think that a child of 5 would be so, i don't know the word off the top of my head but ya know, it seems pretty fucked up now that i think about it.
Anyway... lets get to it. MY first memories was eating a starburst candy on Blandford Street.
Watching them take my 4 year old brother to the dentist. He had two black poles in his teeth that looked scary as hell to a 3 year old.
I stood there at the front porch, sun on my face, feeling like a heating pad...
Ok.
Skip ahead .
STEP MOTHER ARRIVES
My Dad was kind of an idiot, sorry Dad, but yeah.. not you're fault. He didn't graduate high school.
He was a Genius when it came to Cars though, He loved his cars... But not as much as apparently he loved money, and Jim beam, and The Steelers. We never did get along.
I was the smart one, the nerd. He was the "Jock"
So ripped apart because he saw some catholic school girl ass that he wanted to tap...
As a child I had a thirst for knowledge.. I wanted to know everything about everything
But you kept telling me I talk too much whenever I ask questions.
I heard things you didn't think I understood.
"God dammit, I cant fucking stand this kid, I want to fucking smash him into the ground, but every time i get pissed off over his dumb shit, he goes and does something nice,"
I went to the dentist once and she told the dentist not to use anesthetic because it cost too much, and let them drill my teeth with out Novocain.
Thinking back now I think she had a weird obsession about her teeth...
SHE is my Stepmother. The trophy wife my father wanted plus a rich family who obviously saw through the fact that he married her because she had money.
BTW, i don't know if i mentioned it before, but I Also had an older brother. And also, I was unexpected and an unwanted pregnancy... so I kind of got treated like dirt.
ANYWAY...
Where was I going with this?... shit, now I remember...
Oh ya also have that ADHD thing..
They took me off Ritalin in 4th grade after a week...
I was doing great in school, but she said it made me like a zombie and didn't want me to take it.
I was called fat as a kid by my stepmom and dad all the time... THE FUCKED UP THING IS I WASNT THAT FAT BACK THEN....
I HATE REMEMBERING THIS SHIT BUT I KNOW ITS GOING TO HELP....
okay you're good, chill the fuck out...
Everything that ever happened that was bad was automatically blamed on me..
Don't get me wrong, I did do some stuff, but damn, I'm a kid..
"You're own mother didn't want you, I am all you have." -Evil Stepmother
Why does that echo in my head so damn much????
As a child you believe everything you're parents tell you, why would they lie?
I remember when you smashed my Gameboy on the kitchen floor for sneaking it into school...
I spend money now because I'm so used to having to spend it before its taken from me..
Funny how I remember getting savings bonds as gifts as a kid but never saw them again.
Asked about years later and you claim they never existed.
That year you told me I wasn't allowed to open any Christmas gifts because I'm a bad kid.
You manipulated me. You told me my own mother didn't want me and you were the only one who would ever love me. Constantly.
But from the outside, everyone thought you were the best Mother ever!! Your mask was perfect.
Fast forward to my teenage years because i honestly don't remember a lot of my childhood... wonder why?
I helped you raise two children, because Dad was too busy sleeping or working in the garage and you "just couldn't handle the stress"
God there is so much more i want to say but Im fucking tired and hate remembering this shit,,,
So yeah, that.
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Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse
|
iyx1o1
|
24/09/2020
| 10
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/iyx1o1/sm_manipulating_dad/
|
step child
|
I (32F) havent had much contact with my dad since he remarried when I was 12. When I got back into his life in my 20s, he had a whole new family, and regarded his wife's kids as his own. Fast forward 10 years, and he doesnt contact me for any reason, and I have always had to call him, remind him its my birthday, ask to see him etc. He moved abroad 4 years ago and the one visit I had with him, his wife was horrible. She repeatedly belittled me, and mocked my appearance in front of extended family and their friends over the course of the holiday, and praised her own kids (who btw are older than me, and really arent as successful in life than I am). He just came back to town to visit his step kids and help repair their homes. He has been staying with them for 3 weeks without telling me, and has now told me he can spare an hour or two for dinner with me the day before he leaves. He is bringing his step daughter to dinner, who will monitor the conversation and ensure I get no personal time with my dad.
I dont know how to behave with her. I want to straight up ask why is she even here? I want to ask my dad, how is he so manipulated by his wife to make him forget about his own daughter, who is actually a wonderful and successful person and he should be very proud of. I want to tell his step daughter (34) to get a life, and stop leeching off others.....
But... I also feel like I need to play the game. Play the game of his manipulative wife, so I can somewhat still keep him in my life and not be continually heartbroken. I feel like I cant move forward in my personal life until I have a healthy relationship with him... something that seems unattainable.
Advice on which approach I should take would be extremely helpful - be forceful and question her presence, or pay the game?
|
Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse
|
ittsdh
|
16/09/2020
| 5
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/ittsdh/stepmom/
|
step child
|
my stepmom genuinely makes me want to kill myself. she makes me feel worthless and like my dad would be better off without me to. i dont know what to do because i want to die but im scared to kms. i just want to disappear. there is literally nothing i can do because she fucking hates me but they would never get divorced. i guess this is a rant/ i need advice.
I see a therapist and talk to my friends about what goes on and everyone comes to the same census, which is that my parents (dad and stepmom) need to chill tf out and listen to me for once in my life yet change is never going to happen. I feel like im insane or delusional because they act like they are fucking perfect angel parents and like IM the one who does everything wrong. like theyve straight up told me that i do nothing [right.](https://right.like) im just so done i want to die and idk what to do.
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Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse
|
i1hejm
|
31/07/2020
| 2
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/i1hejm/my_22f_stepdad_49m_has_some_concerning_behavior/
|
step child
|
Hi, all! I'm new to this sub. TW child sexual abuse. Sorry for the length.
BACKGROUND: When I was around 6, my parents divorced and my mom and I moved in with my current step-dad, Jacob (all names changed) and his son, Cedric. Cedric was 10 and regularly molested me in secret for many years whether I was asleep or awake and it only stopped once he moved to his bio mother's house after my little brother was born (mom and Jacob had a kid together). I came forward about this when I was a pre-teen. There was a lot of drama. My mom was in denial and didn't believe me and my step-dad was unreasonably angry with me/mom and protective of Cedric. Nothing really came of it, since they still keep his creepy ass around to avoid more drama.
Cedric proceeded to molest another young female family member (my age) who lives in his bio mom's house. This girl also came forward about this years ago and nothing happened. He's \~26 now. I have no clue how many other girls he's molested, but he's still in the family and I avoid him as much as I can.
My little brother (who is now 11) has been sheltered from all of this and doesn't know any of the drama. As far as he knows, Cedric is just his cool gamer step-brother who plays games on the Switch with him when he visits.
There are some things that make me nervous about Jacob:
1. Jacob will STARE at me when I'm walking around the house. I'm quarantined with my mom, Jacob, and my little brother so there's no avoiding that. When I notice he's staring at me I'll make eye contact which causes him to look away. I notice he also stares at my little brother which makes me wonder if Jacob is just innocently zoning out and doesn't realize that he's staring.
2. When I was younger, Jacob would give me hugs but his hands would stroke or graze my lower back in a way that wasn't appropriate for a young girl. I brought this up with my mom who just said "He's not used to having a daughter, so he doesn't realize it would make someone uncomfortable". He used to ask for hugs and poke fun at me that I would only give him side-hugs or try to hug him with as little contact as possible.
3. Jacob used to regularly shower with and be naked while changing around my little brother until he was well past walking and talking on his own. Mom seemed fine with this. My bio dad raised me to be really independent and private, so I'm not sure if my mom and Jacob coddled my little brother or I'm projecting my past abuse onto a normal parental situation.
4. When my mom asked Jacob if Cedric had ever been abused or molested as a kid, Jacob apparently freaked out on my mom and got very defensive. I wasn't there to witness it-- my mom told me this so i don't know to what extent he got defensive and if my mom accidentally said something inflammatory.
5. Jacob grew up in an abusive environment where an adult authority figure would regularly molest a LOT of kids. I'm not sure if Jacob was ever abused himself but considering the things above, I think it's worth noting.
I'm worried that my little brother might have been the victim of something inappropriate. Where did Cedric learn his behavior? I know that abusers aren't made out of nowhere and I can't help but be extra vigilant with this crazy ass family.
What I'm wondering is: should I have a one-on-one talk with my little brother? My mom? Am I crossing a line? And are my concerns even reasonable, or am I just being paranoid? I would be letting him know that if there was ever someone who was inappropriate with him, he could tell me.
I know this is the job of the parents but the way my mom handled news of my abuse makes me want to give my brother a better, more welcoming space to speak up. I just want him to know I got his back. I would never bring up Jacob or Cedric or what happened to me because I'm just speculating and I wouldn't want to damage my brother's relationship with them.
Little brother and I are close. We bond over video games and skateboarding, or I help him with his homework but we're not "emotionally" close if that makes sense. He's the type of kid who's not very good at articulating his emotions and any attempt to have a serious conversation with him (like dealing with a classroom bully, etc.) makes him clearly uncomfortable or overwhelmed and he'll make jokes or mentally shut off until the topic changes. This is with anybody, including me or my mom (he likes us both very much and is very comfortable with us). I don't even know how I would have such a heavy talk with someone who doesn't like to open up. I'm an adult and I can handle Jacob/Cedric being weird towards me now, but I'm extremely protective of my brother and I would do anything to make sure he has a safer and happier childhood than I did.
Thanks for reading this far. I'll be posting this to other subreddits too, just to see what others have to say.
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Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse
|
g9wpw5
|
28/04/2020
| 3
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/g9wpw5/my_sm_is_a_complete_alcoholic_and_my_dad_condones/
|
step child
|
I swear every time I go over to their house they constantly are drinking! My SM is a huge wine drinker and honestly doesn’t know when to stop. The reason my Dad seems to condone it is because he is also an alcoholic. Recently they have been getting pissed off all the time at each other so whenever they get drunk it’s absolutely crazy! For New Years Eve they got really drunk and began to fight which was nothing new, they were throwing stuff at each other and literally slamming each other against walls. Now me being the ignorant 13yr old I am I ran in between them and almost got punched by my dad. I got him to calm down but it didn’t help that my SM was yelling at him yelling him to tell me how much of a bitch she was. After that I told her to shut the hell up. Honestly I’m just done with everything and don’t feel that they are right for each other. Any advice would be welcome.
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Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse
|
fxhe59
|
08/04/2020
| 1
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/fxhe59/shitty_parenting/
|
step child
|
Hey there I am now an adult but ive live in a house hold that my father and stepmother lived alot of times I felt like I was the odd one out considering they were all indian and Im mixed raced. My stepmom would treat me terrible in my eyes there were time where she would take here biological kids out and leave me in the house alone. Wouldnt say a word to me although we were living under the same roof. Long story short If you are someone loving and caring just show it to the kid, cause i grew up questioning my self from all this emotional abuse
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Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse
|
fsjqgm
|
31/03/2020
| 5
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/fsjqgm/taking_after_my_sd_i_think/
|
step child
|
When I was little I was terrified of my stepfather and didn’t like him. He was the disciplinarian, and he’d spank me so hard I remember having an outline of his hand on my ass for two days and it hurt to sit in my seat in class. In grade 1 I saw my moms tweezers and stuck them in an electrical sockets while me and my sister were at home (weren’t supposed to be home alone as we were too young) because they fit so perfectly and in grade 1 you don’t know anything about electricity. Well the socket went all black and the power went out, so when my parents did get home there was no way of hiding it. My parents couldn’t find a belt to use, so my step dad got my moms curling iron and whipped my ass with the electrical wire on it. I wasn’t a bad kid... I was polite, extremely shy, played alone in my room or hung with my sister. My parents didn’t play with me while I was growing up. We’d be told to “go play” if we bugged my mom or were bugging the adults. One time my mom was getting head lice out of my hair in our backyard and I was in grade 2 or three. She was pulling each hair so hard to grab them, my scalp was hurting so much. I finally had enough and started to pull away from her, so with the hairbrush she hit me in the face and split my lip open. I rolled down the ramp we were standing on and when I got up I had blood dripping from my lip. She just told me to wipe my mouth off. Not remorse.
My stepdad would get at me often enough. I was a pretty well behaved kid, did chores, but hated that chores were always demanded. I also thought it would be so nice if my stepdad could just ask me if I could do something when I wasn’t busy, and I would have been happy to. But he always demanded, and if I didn’t get up to do it right away I’d get in shit. He’d start yelling at me, throw things at me, spit in my face as he yelled, poke me so hard in the chest while yelling that I’d get pushed back or fall on my bed if he was yelling at me in my room. Then he’d scream in my face some more, tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself when I cried.
I hated him, and I hated me. I hated my life and wanted to die. I’d look in the mirror with my tear soaked face and silently call myself ugly cause I didn’t want anyone to hear my voice. I began to accept that I wasn’t deserving of being treated well. I grew up depressed and with low self esteem and anxiety. I hated school, I pushed everyone away after graduation.
I now have an 8 year old step daughter and she’s very needy of attention, and getting adults to do things for her. She refuses to hold doors because me and her dad do it, is terrified of a bug is flying around her room, wants to share the bed with daddy and I and still wants cuddles. Even though I would never hurt her and would never want to hurt her self esteem, I constantly find myself with this angry internal monologue when she is around. I do think she needs to learn more about respect and independence, but so many things piss me off. My concern isn’t for her, because I know I will never be my stepfather. (I’m 27f I just mean figuratively) but. I find myself feeling the anger he would constantly display while I was growing up. My concern is for me and my well-being... how can I\we teach her to be more respectful to me and her dad without my assholish anger shining through? My first thought would be some kind of therapy, but therapy is expensive and hard to come by.
|
Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse
|
eb48o6
|
15/12/2019
| 4
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/eb48o6/venting_under_breath_remarks_stepdad_nuasance/
|
step child
|
Hey,
I'm in a very emotional state right now and am sorry if anything is badly formulated. Anyway let's get into why I'm writing this vent.
Some context:
I'm 20 years old and somewhat introverted. Me and my mom have been living alone for most of my life. I've not grown up with a father figure besides uncle and grandfather.
My mom started to date him when I was quite young but he wasn't around so I don't see him as a father or anything along that line. About 6 years ago we started to all live under on roof and ever since then I'm starting to resent him.
\-------
Ever since we have been living togheter I've noticed he has these kind of negative remarks under his breath. It could be that I eat at a later time or go to the toilet often but it seems to be clearly directed at me. I don't want to stir anything up between my mom and him because I'm hoping to move out in a year or 2 but it still bothers me to the very core.
Its come to the point where whenever it happens I have to go to my room or any other place he doesn't go to to calm down and even then I get very dark thoughts. My best course of action is just to suck it up for those 2 years but I think that if I keep sucking it up for those 2 years I won't ever visit my mom and siblings again when he is around purely because of him.
I'm a bit more introverted than the average person so I tend to stick with myself. For this reason I haven't really hung out with my step family all that much but still seem to connect better with them than with him.
He isn't an alcoholic or anything like other posts that I've seen online when looking for similar situations. He's actually quite well of with a decent job and we live in a nice house because of him so I'm trying to be grateful but his personality seems to be shit and a half so I really don't know what to do. He also gets very angry quickly even with himself so I suspect he has some sort of anger issue which might be the reason of the remarks but that doesn't make them cutting nonetheless.
I refuse to confront him on it for the fear that I might lash out myself if he gets angry with me.
Any advice would be great. I'll try to respond to anything send but I'm not very active.
\---
*Please if you think you might know me don't talk to me in person about it I will delete the post.*
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Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse
|
cz5mmb
|
03/09/2019
| 2
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/cz5mmb/just_an_appreciation_post/
|
step child
|
My step dad has been with my mother for the past 11 years, I'm 26 now. When they first got together they were both addicted to meth and after about 2 years together, they got clean together. Which I'm sure has made their bond so much more.
But my goodness do I love that man, he's such an amazing father to my younger siblings that still live at home and I'm super thankful that they have him and don't have to know our real father who is extremely toxic. It's a shitty relationship in my life and I envy that they don't remember him or keep in contact with him as I do. What's really pulling my heart strings though is I had to leave my 4 month old son at my mom and his house last night for a few hours and when I came to pick him up I found my step dad walking around the garage holding my son, giving him a tour of his garage and sitting him on his Harley. It was seriously so sweet. I'm so happy that he loves my son as if they were blood.
|
Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse
|
ct0tsl
|
20/08/2019
| 4
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/ct0tsl/i_just_wish_i_didnt_have_any_fathers_i_dont_know/
|
step child
|
I am so tired of my step-father...I seriously hate living with him and he always puts me in a bad mood and I want to kill myself to just be at peace. My mom tries to help me but she tries to defend both of us...I told her I don’t initiate or do anything for him to be an asshole. I help with chores, pick up my siblings, and give my mom money for some bills in front of his face so he knows, and don’t create a mess for myself. I have lived with this monster for years and I tried to be nice but I am not a mat to be stepped all over! I just wish I didn’t have any fathers at all and just live with my mom and siblings. I never grew up with any good father figure but I manage to be a good adult. The only reason I’m not kicked out is because of my mom. I am struggling to find a 2nd job in order to have enough to live on my own. So until then I am suffering from emotional abuse from this asshole who everyday has to yell at me even when I am just laying down to rest from work. Forget my real father too, he’s a pedophile and abandon me for being a girl and not a son...I will never want to meet that disgusting thing ever again. He’s very ridiculous, he will literally yell at me for anything. ANYTHING and I do defend myself but it’s frustrating and you end up fend up with it! The fights can be anything from making a snack for myself to leaving a sweater on the couch even if for a second or laying on the bed watching YouTube on my phone on low volume and complain it’s too loud! I can’t even cook when he’s there or else he will yell and I would be tired of my life. My mom really tries and idk why she doesn’t leave him! I don’t know how I can run away without a 2nd job...sigh- I do wish I could have a good dad but that’s unrealistic for me so I pray to not have any fathers...I never wish for bad things on people but I know my step father runs off with someone or hit by a bus so my family can be at peace! Anyone have similar situation..and got out of it?? Please help me! I feel so sad and tired of him!
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Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse
|
15k0y3t
|
06/08/2023
| 2
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/15k0y3t/i_dont_like_my_stepmoms_parenting_tw_r4p3/
|
step child
|
So just to give y'all a quick introduction, I (18F), have a dad who's 42, I do not live with him, I live with my mom who is 44, and my dad lives with his girlfriend who is in her early 40s, her children who are 16, 7 and 5 (all females), and his father-in-law.
She also has a daughter who's 26, and a son who is 18, but they don't live with her.
I met all of them + the extended family when I was 17, they all are too loud for me, but that is no problem at all, it is just a "me" thing, I guess.
The first few times that we hung out were sort of bad, but that is my fault because I was very resentful because of some things my dad did in the past, and I was also being very cautious of my stepmom and her family, because my dad's past girlfriends were HORRIBLE.
So, last year, after a few months of not hanging out with them, I reconnected with my dad and decided to give it a try, I began to go to their house and have dinner with them, it was all good, except for the fact that I felt ignored by my stepmom's children (the youngest girls liked me tho). And I also knew that the 16yo didn't like me, but I felt it was because we are veryyy different from each other, literally polar opposites.
Everything was alright for a few months, but I've started to notice some things that did not sit right with me, here it comes possibly the political and cultural debate:
• My dad's cousin invited my mom and I to her daughter's birthday, my dad and his family were gonna be there too. When they arrived, I saw my 7yo step sister dressed in a cut-out top, showing almost all of her chest, I didn't say anything about it (to my mom, after the party, like I usually do, because I can't say anything to my dad) because in my country most people take anything that has to do with children safety very lightly.
• Also, one time my 16yo stepsister was in the house, and told my 5yo stepsister to "start twerking" (my dad told me that the 5yo likes to dance like her big sister). And I was like, not surprised but also who the f\*\*\* teaches their 5yo sister how to twerk??? She's not even out of pre school yet. (No one has a problem with this, obviously).
• They also sort of taught the 5yo to give kisses on the mouth, to literally ANYBODY, she kisses her mom on the mouth, MY DAD (he has just been a year with her, he's not even family), and also MY UNCLE. Like, seriously, I feel like I'm the only one with common sense in here.
• By the way, it's clear that my stepmother has a favourite between the youngest ones, and it's the 5yo. Not only the fact that she has a favourite disgusts me, but she also has no shame in showing it, whenever the youngest ones fight, she sides with the 5yo (even tho she's mostly wrong anyways), she scolds and screams at the 7yo for NOTHING. So yeah, you may have guessed that the 5yo is a brat (literally slapped me because I hugged her dog).
• This is not the worst thing about her, so here it comes the r4p3 trigger warning:
On father's day (2 months ago), I went to their house so I could spend the day with my dad, his father-in-law made a barbecue and everyone from my stepmom's family was there: her brother and sister came with their partners, my stepbrother with his new "girlfriend". The 2 little girls were already there and my step sister came later after we were done eating.
It was calm for a while (even tho my stepbrother was screaming/talking about some nonsense the whole time), I was being ignored once again and the movie they put on the TV wasn't of my liking so I started to get sleepy, my dad told me that I could go to their bedroom to sleep, he would come and call me for dessert, so I went to sleep.
After a while, my dad called me to go to the table to eat dessert, while I was asleep my 26yo stepsister arrived with her boyfriend and her kid. We were doing good, I was sitting between my dad and my step uncle's girlfriend.
Until my stepbrother started some sh!t, apparently he wanted to take his grandfather's truck to go buy j0!nt paper (he's a drugg!e) but they didn't want him to, because the store was just 6 blocks away, and gas prices are absurd here. He could easily have gone walking but I just think he wanted to flex the truck (that wasn't even his) to his girlfriend.
So obviously, like any other normal person would do, he started to scream insults to his grandad and uncle, his aunt couldn't take it anymore, so she stood up and started to punch him in the face, her and my 26yo stepsister took him to his bedroom and started to punch him and kick him very hard, everyone left the table except the partner's of my step uncle and step aunt, my stepbrother's girlfriend, my 16yo stepsister, and me.
My step uncle's girlfriend stood to go a help my little sisters, who were in the bathroom having a shower. For my part, I was still sitting in the table, shocked and unable to say or do anything, I was really surprised because I didn't thought this would happen.
I didn't wanted to cry because I felt like it was not the place or time ??? I was just very overwhelmed and confused because it was happening so fast (I'm also not used to these situations at all). My stepsister was crying and I felt really bad, I didn't do anything about it because I didn't knew how she would react.
One of the people inside the bedroom screamed "HE'S A R4P!ST" and I heard it so clearly, I still couldn't move, my stepbrother's gf was shocked, standing at the door. Everyone took him outside and his aunt was screaming at him, I couldn't hear anything. My 26yo step sister stayed inside the house, so my stepbrother's gf asked "what's wrong, what happened?" And she just screamed at her telling her to get out, to get my stepbrother's stuff out of the room and that they both had to leave. So she did.
I was tearing up at this point, my dad came inside the house and told me to grab my stuff so he could take me home. The only person I could say goodbye to was his father-in-law, who I hugged (because I wanted someone to hug) and he told me something which I couldn't hear because all of the screaming in the front yard.
So I'm gonna point this out: when we were leaving on the car my 26yo stepsister was screaming at my stepbrother and my stepmom was just standing there, literally just standing there.
About 2 weeks after my dad invited me to dinner there and he came to pick me up in his car.
We where both alone and he told me what happened, it seems that 4 years ago before my stepmom's mother died, she walked in some room and saw my stepbrother and his 5-7 year old male cousin (which I didn't knew existed) doing s3xu4l stuff. I had no words, even when my dad told me I felt like vomiting.
It made me mad when my dad told me it was "suspicious" because no one did anything about it at that moment, and that my 26yo stepsister is making such a scandal now, now that my stepbrother is going to buy a house in another province, and that she's going to loose her house because apparently she's going to break up with her boyfriend, who owns the house. (To me that's such nonsense, I don't think she's doing a scandal at all, nonetheless just for jealousy).
By the way, my stepmother is 100% on my stepbrother's side, she's still in contact with him, even after her sister and own daughter came to her house to talk about the situation in a more gentle manner. I went to have dinner with them again a few weeks ago, then my step brother arrived (didn't stay, just came to say hi and left) everyone acknowledged him (except his grandfather), my 16yo step sister was too happy to see him. I had to say hi to him, or I was going to be judged by his mom and sister. And my dad had to talk to me through the whole time he was there, I couldn't even look at him.
My dad is planning on marrying this woman, she's violent, has a bad temper, she's not a good mother either, she hits her dog, and has a son who r4p3d his own cousin. I don't know what to do, I just keep going to their house because of the sake of me and my dad's relationship, we don't really go out alone. He also seems to have a preference for them over me.
Also he wants to buy a house in another province, and move in with them (minus the father in law, he's staying here), he told me a lot of times about how he wants me to move in with them too, but my stepbrother is also going, so I don't really think I'm moving with them.
I just need somebody's opinion, I already talked to my mom about this, she doesn't seem to care, so..
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Poor treatment by family members and fearful environments
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15itw2c
|
05/08/2023
| 2
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/15itw2c/my_stepbiochmom_is_mean_not_abuseive_i_dont_think/
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step child
|
This is a rant/ asking for advice.
So my dad and StepBiotch have been maried since i was 3/4 yr ( I am curently a teen) My dad had me with his girlified. I was getting verry sick on the Island of my bio mom so I moved in with my grandma when I was 2 yr. I lived with my grandma<U+0001F54A> who I consider my mom and called her so. I would visit my dad for a few months for a few weeks to like 1-2 months. And He was married to ana right so Ive known her almost my whole life. And my relationship with bio mom is thin She wants to be in my life but ive only seen her in person when i was 6 yr and I had a mother figure in my life so its awkward . Forgot to mention I never liked Ana 5-7 I would go out with my dad and come back and say stuff "oh dad was with another lady" Esentily trying to break them up. Also forgot to mention ana speaks spanish im Bilingual not fluent in spanish but i can hold a conversation. My mom didnt like ana bc of the way she treated me and she would stand up for me.
​
Anyways she was nice to me and my dad was too untill they had a kid. So now I have Half Sister and They asked me if i wanted a sibbling which 7 yr me said yesss ( i was wrong) . Then Ana started being a bit colder to me. Fast forward My mom/grandma Passes (rip i love you mom) and they have a kid surprise this time. At this point Ana had been outright hostil towards me since I was 8. Now im older I get told a lot by my dad "oh name go help ana in the kitchen see if she needs help with anything". I go ana says no I tell my dad he says then put the plates out. This is how it goes for most of out interactions promoted by my dad.
Here are the petty things she does. So one time my grandpa ron was over (from my dads side he isnt very nice he gets mad easy and then keeps the argument going). So Ana is mad ( she always mad about sum) because GPR is saying that the way little sister eats in unhealthy and she doent eat a dinners and eats to many chips blah blah blah. Ana dosent like this but is corgal still dad is telling him to cut it out. any ways its night time dinners done I come into my room and ther was a dog poop uner my desk. Ana has an old dog that poops in my room if i leave the door open so I keep it closed but my dad insisted on opening it because my room smelt musty. So molly (dog) pooped and It is not my dog I dont like the dog but I tell my dad that and he just says no it is our family dog we must all take care of it. btw the dog wont listen to any one except ana and it 12 years old. So i am waiting in the liveing room and GPR asks what is happening with the dog poop and I am sat on the couch saying Ana is cleaning it up its her do " not my dog not my problem" . Every one is saying Name just clean it up its in your room you are makeing this a big deal. Ana is not saying anything and is putting sibblings to sleep, ecencily saying no in her own way. After much persisting on my part and yelling on the adults (dad,GPR). GPR eventually goes to clean it up and says im petty. I argue that Ana is petty not taking care of HER DOGS SHIT ( obv i dint swear) and she is a grown adult and she is petty to me all the time " ok but you are the one refusing to clean up the poop That is in YOUR room" "fROM THE DOG THAT ISNT MINE!" any ways every one was saying im in the wrong blah blah blah i dont think i was .
​
To prove that Ana is a petty bitch she refers to me as my dads kid and to their kids as her kids/ their kids when talking to my dad. If She goes out and comes back home she wont speak to me unless i speak to her and just in general wont talk to me and she is always giveing me a stink eye. And If i ask to borow like a room spray to make my room spell nice she says "oookayy" in the most I" really dont want you to but fine" tone and looks do mad that i even ask to borrow something of hers. My dad just dosent acknowledge this and forces me to hug her good night obviously I dont want to and she dosent want to but ig thats his way of having us be together. Also Some how the reason we didnt have lunch today was my fault because nobody told me to take the ribs out and put them in the oven. But apparently ( in my dad words)nobody should have to because I should come out and ask what ana needs help with. And somehow the ribs not being put in the oven was my fault because ana didnt talk to me the whole time she came back and I stay in my room when shes at home because her energy just radiates i dont like you when IM around her.
Any ways let me know your opinons Is this some sort of abuse or just petty rudenes
Also idk if this is important but I dont look like the rest of my family because i have currly hair and a darker complection.
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Poor treatment by family members and fearful environments
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12vnok9
|
22/04/2023
| 4
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https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/12vnok9/things_were_good_and_now_were_back_where_we_were/
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step child
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Hello again. I was active here for a bit about 2 years ago I think? But it's back. Specifically *he* is back.Context: https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/orxbcq/should_i_give_my_moms_boyfriend_a_chance/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/q2mxog/update_stepdad_being_released_from_prison_in_7/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1Hopefully I did that correctly. I (17M), my sister (15F), and my mom (36F) had a bad couple years from an ex of hers and he's back. Following from last update, 'Stepdad's' sentence got changed so he went to prison and stayed there for 2-3 years. Things got better between me and my mom but my sister went into a rebellious spiral over what had happened. She's gotten to a stable spot where I don't have to worry about her anymore but that's how badly the whole situation affected her.Recently (couple weeks ago) he was released. Now here comes the whole situation. My mom had been seeing a 'friend' very frequently these past few weeks and I did not think it was him. I was extremely confident in this. My mom sat me down a bit ago to say she was *considering* giving him a second chance (This would actually be his like fourth chance) But she specifically mentioned she was just thinking about it. She reassured me that he had just sent a letter and that was it. No further communication. I believed her because she gained my trust back. That was it. Yesterday she said she was bringing her friend over. I stay in my room because I don't like meeting new people who are in my home. My sister and her boyfriend (16M) get home and see him. I didn't see what happened but I heard some things. Essentially, my sister cried in her room and 'stepdad' got in my sister's boyfriends face asking who he was in a really aggressive tone/way ("who the fuck are you?"). 'Stepdad' really acts like as if he was our father and the whole 'are you good enough for my daughter' thing which is stupid. Sister's bf tried to stay civil and they had a tense conversation I think (there was some yelling I think). Eventually I check on my sister and her bf and they're good. I go then to 'meet' him. I still believed this guy was a friend of my moms who I hadn't met before.I greet him, he asks for a hug I say we start with a handshake. We talk for a bit and his appearance had changed a bit and it had been ~three years since I last saw him (and I believe denial played a part here) so I asked for his name. He said "what the fuck did you say" (which terrified me by the way because he got a serious look on his face and his tone was just, scary). I repeated myself (my confidence has grown and i'm more self assured now which i'm proud of) and he was put back. We continued to have a conversation albeit more tense since I now knew who he was and since he was misgendering me the whole time.This led to me telling him how he almost ruined my life and I sort of confronted my mom (because she lied to me about their communication and didn't tell me her 'friend' was him). When our conversation ended, he said he respected my feelings and that I was 'hella rude' (I just take personal offense to this since it's coming from him but it's whatever). I went back to my room and sobbed.I don't know how I should go about this. I never thought I'd have to worry about him again. I feel like being cold and distant to my mom for doing this to us despite our fear and misery but I'm also thinking if I put affection and love on 200% maybe she'll listen to me and I can change her mind. I also think if I can rile him up enough, I can get him to hurt me (doesn't seem like a challenge, our conversation was already getting him...reactive) and if he hurts me then maybe my mom will actually cut him off and yes I know that is a dangerous and illogical plan but i'm feeling desperate. My sister has her boyfriend to protect her physically and they support each other. I've reached out to my extended family and I have a safeguard in case my home becomes too unstable or dangerous. I'm going to graduate high-school by next month but I don't turn 18 until august.I want to help my mom see reason and I don't want to uproot my life if I can help it.What should I do?
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Poor treatment by family members and fearful environments
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mmz9kl
|
08/04/2021
| 8
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https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/mmz9kl/i_miss_my_dad/
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step child
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Might not be relative to this sub but need to let it out.
I really miss my dad. I usually just stay at moms place and dad and his wife are going through some stuff I get too much anxiety being around her and just not comfortable there. A week ago dad said his wife was planning on going to visit her daughter for two weeks (daughter lives in another country) and I was really looking forward to staying at his place with him. Today when he was helping with the groceries he told me his wife isn't going anywhere.
Now I'm at mom's place and feel sad because I being with him. I really like and love my dad and I miss spending more time with him. I wish I could be at his place but I can't handle being that uncomfortable. Tho it would help with my anxiety I'll just feel bad being there.
Just needed to vent, but if you took your time reading then thank you. I just really miss my dad.
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Poor treatment by family members and fearful environments
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1045elm
|
05/01/2023
| 4
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https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/1045elm/how_to_start_hoping_around_on_backstory/
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step child
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I'm not really sure how I should begin. honestly me (22M, 23 in a Feb.) and my Step-Dad (?M, ? this year) have never gotten along. We did in the very very beginning when my mom (42F, 43 this year) married him and a little before. but after a few deaths of his relatives, It went downhill and fast. He is an Alcoholic. Well due to that he did do a bit of manipulation without us noticing pinning my mom (thus me) against his dad. Well aside from him used to being constantly drunk and a jerk wad to me (He is better now). Him & my mom well didn't exactly have the best start (his Ex-wife took everything even his daughter (He didn't exactly know how to fight to get her, (Plus well when she did come to finally meet him when we moved in a few years later she was his top priority despite me being there... don't blame him now/ too much))) thus he hid money from their join account thus well the typical fight. Anyway it lead to well me having to keep their marriage alive for a few times by talking to them both and calming everyone down before I was 18. Yes him and my mom do love each other but well due to her past (her Dad (Step-Dad) died due to drinking) well this left her not a huge fan of massive drinking of alcohol. Well she didn't know about how much he drank which after the death kept going up (plus it lead to well him starting to hide it and losing jobs by drinking on the job), he was constantly drunk even when he drove (ironically it took a dui and not him crashing into a fence, to agree to sober up and actually do it). He is sober now for a year+.Plus well near the end of him being constantly drunk I had to do most of the household chores even when he couldn't/wouldn't get a job. It did leave some bit of bitterness at the time due to feeling like a butler, That bitterness is gone.​Now for some info on him. He has suffered multiple concussions (He played Soccer), He was also a volunteer Firefighter (well he didn't exactly when sober, keep that knowledge and well a cardboard box caught fire. and filled the house with smoke). And he was an EMT. But you get the whole idea. ​But on to why I am here after a bit of how it all happened. Well I want to try and call him Dad (I did at first but stopped sense my mom pushed me into it before I was ready) and well try to build up a relationship. Problem is well we're almost polar opposites. I'm a hypochondriac, he won't even see a doctor if he can help it. He is more conservative (not fully but was raised by a 95% conservative parents hi dad still being alive.) (He is fine that I'm gay both are. My mom of course is.) where I'm more your actions define you. He is more of an outdoor person, I'm more indoor. He doesn't exactly understand mental medical problems (I have quite a few), I try to understand them and empathize, He's into sports and not a huge fan of talking while something is on T.V. - Me I can't help but talk about a show or comment when I pay attention and enjoy a show/movie along with me not being a huge fan of sports (more a Video Game Person). Where we have very little in common is my mom. the only other thing is honesty. I just want to know how I can start having a relationship with him.(My mental Medical Problems being Autism (Asperger's), BiPolar, OCD, ADHD/ADD. Also can't Visualize (Aphantasia).)Edit/P.S. 1: I have the emotional Maturity of a 13 year old people say. They Got married when I was 13. Am gonna ask my Therapist if due to all that has happened if I wasn't able to well mature emotionally.Edit 2: TBA (after I talk to my therapist) Answers for FAQ: 1: 2: 3: 4:
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Poor treatment by family members and fearful environments
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wkx04b
|
10/08/2022
| 6
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https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/wkx04b/stepdad_advice/
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step child
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This is really long, I'm sorry...thanks for people who make it through. So I guess to start things, I should mention that I realize my situation isn't as bad as some people's. I have a stable, safe home, my stepdad isn't abusive or terrible. I just really don't like him, and I don't really know what to do.
I'm a 16 y.o. guy and my dad was a police lieutenant who was murdered while on duty when I was 10. I know it sounds corny to say, but he was and is my hero. I totally realize that because he died when I was still a kid, I never really saw him as a person with flaws and stuff, but still to me he was this larger than life hero. Not only was he a cop, but he was really athletic. My favorite picture of us is him doing pushups with me on his back when I was like 7 or so. From what I remember he was also really loving. His family tells me all the time that he always said being my dad made him feel like he found his purpose in life.
Obviously my mom was devastated when he died, but she held life together for me. My whole family, but especially my uncle (my dad's younger brother) really stepped up and has been there for me since. Even my dad's old station buddies still drop in to make sure we're okay, and tell me all the time they're here for me. I guess the point is, I've been really lucky to have a massive support system. I tried to step up for my mom too. As soon as I was old enough, I started doing the yard work, I try to help her keep the house clean, and thanks to help from one of my dad's friends, I even helped but in some new Ring flood lights around the house.
At the same time, I realize I still have alot of unresolved issues about my dad's murder. I like to think I'm a good kid, I don't do drugs or vape, I get good grades, I'm on the lacrosse team and debate club, I try to use correct grammar, all that stuff. But I'm also so angry that my dad and the life I could have had with him was taken from me. Not like smash holes in the wall and yell at people angry, its just like this knot that stays in my throat all the time.
I guess this is the part where I get to the stepdad. My mom started dating him about three years ago, and I am legitimately happy for her. She's been through so much and has done so much for me she deserves to be in love and to be loved. At the same time, I want her to have a new husband, I don't want to have a new dad. I also don't want a new family. When they got engaged, he gave me the whole "I don't want to replace your dad" speech and we talked about how important my dad's family was to me and I thought he got my point of view. Fast forward to the wedding, and he made a big show about how he wanted to have a second round of vows where he promises to watchover and take care of me, etc. and my mom does the same for his kids (he has a son and daughter who are here on weekends). I was very adamant about not being in the wedding, not because I didn't support it but because I didn't want to have attention drawn to me. He got really pissy and passive aggressively said we could drop it. Situations like that have happened for the past two years. When we met, I introduced myself with my nickname (only my mom, uncle, grandmas, and one or two very close friends use my full name), but he keeps calling me my full name. I've even gotten to the point when he says my name, I correct him, then respond. My mom has talked to him about it, but he just says something like "I just do it automatically because that's how I hear you refer to him."
He also tried to mandate "screen free family time" on Saturday nights when his kids were over...as if three teenagers want nothing more than to spend their Saturday watching tv together. Even worse, its a "democracy rules" situation where his kids always vote for the same show..something I won't like..and he votes with them, so I would have to waste my night watching something I wouldn't otherwise. That went on for months before my mom finally let me duck out. Ever since my dad was murdered, my uncle and I have gone on trips to Universal Studios for Halloween, and last year my stepdad booked tickets for something else the weekend we were going, then acted all hurt and mumbled something like "I just thought you'd want to do this instead, I hope the tickets are refundable." Each time stuff like this happens I try desperately to be polite and not be rude, but to just say I don't want to do something. The only time I lost it was when I came back from a night at a friend's house and he had added photos to the digital frame in my room. The pictures on that frame are of me and my dad, and he had added a bunch of pictures of him, his kids, and trips we had taken as a combined group. I totally admit I lost it and acted unacceptably, but I felt so violated. All he could say was "I figured you needed to freshen up the pictures with your more recent life."
This past year has been especially bad. I came out when I turned sixteen and my mom and family have been amazingly supportive (my uncle and a few cousins are gay, so it's definitely in the family). My stepddad has also been supportive, but in a super awkward not really that supportive way. Once or twice he's said things like "hey girlfriend," and last week when I was on SnapChat he totally asked if I was taking pictures for Grindr. That same week, my mom was out of town and I wanted to stay at a friend's house and he wasn't going to let me because it would be "inappropriate for me to spend the night with a boy," even through my friend is straight. He's also implied that my relationship with my uncle is pervy by saying things like "don't you think your friends think it's weird for you to spend so much time with your uncle? It'd be more normal for you and me to do some of this stuff." Totally missing that my uncle has been there for me since I was 10.
I try to remind myself that he's probably insecure about the situation, or wants to have a closer relationship, but I just don't like the guy. Even worse the one or two times I've tried to go to him for advice, he was useless. For example, when I got my license I really wanted to learn how to change a tire incase it went flat. When I asked him if he could teach me, he literally gave me instructions on how to call AAA. When I called my dad's old work buddy, he acted all betrayed and hurt. I guess the TLDR is: I don't like my stepdad, he makes my life cringe, and I don't know what to do. Thanks for reading novel and for any comments.
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Poor treatment by family members and fearful environments
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11bqcdu
|
25/02/2023
| 7
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/11bqcdu/inheritance/
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step child
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My step siblings get everything as it is. Because my brother and I live far away we get forgotten about, yet made to feel guilty if we ever forget significant events and its us that do the travelling.
One of my step sisters has three kids. Her kids want for nothing from my stepmum. They even get weekly pocket money. My brother has kids that are not given the same treatment. Out of sight out of mind. She says she has depression and my stepmum does regular shopping runs, does her ironing and other chores. I am not against a mother helping her daughter out. If someone needs help they should have it.
This is what I am against. When my parents separated my Mum "bought my Dad out". With this he bought his own place to live. When he met my stepmum she moved in and has lived there ever since. My Mum couldn't afford to really buy my Dad out so I got a job and helped her out for years with this. Eventually she became financially stable and moved out.
My stepmum was talking about wills. It is highly likely with my Dad's health he will go first. We have already discussed that should anything happen to him my stepmum wouldn't get thrown out and would continue to live there. I am happy with this. It makes sense. It doesn't bother me. My step sisters new boyfriend made a joke about having the place when they pass away. No. Just no. I dont know you. This is my Dad's place. He paid for it. Even though I live further away I have visited my Dad more than they ever have. Why should they be entitled to it?
I'm not a money orientated person really, but it grinds my gears that more than likely when my Dad passes away that my stepmums kids will get everything my family has worked for.
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Poor treatment by family members and fearful environments
|
sxpxmw
|
21/02/2022
| 2
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/sxpxmw/my_moms_husband_makes_me_mad/
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step child
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Tonight, I listened to my mom and her husband having an argument in their room. My mom was trying to tell him that he hurt her feelings earlier and he kept saying that none of it never happened. Idk what he said exactly bc I was inside and they were at the time. She called him a liar a few times, and like I said idk exactly what was said (something that made her feel like she should just do the dishes but idk what exactly) but that's all she called him. Just by going off the conversation and how he avoided telling her what he actually said when she asked him to, I think it's safe to say he is lying about something. What made me so ANGRY that I wanted to kick the door in and punch him in the face is that when she was repeating what had happened he said "You're losing you're mind" and "You're fucking nuts". He literally said that multiple times and I don't even want to be in the same house as him. When she wanted him to apologize for what he said ealier he said something along the lines of "I'm sorry youre hurt because of what you thought i said". I'm pretty sure she was saying how he admitted to saying whatever he said ealier but now he said he didnt say anything. Like, literally just say sorry for hurting your wifes feelings. I genuinely dont understand why he couldnt just apologize because to me all that needed to be said is that he hurt her feelings when he said xyz and then he apologizes for hurting her. She was literally crying and i felt so bad and idk what to do. I never really liked him but now I dont even want to look at him. Like he let his wife cry and was saying how she was making stuff up while she was crying when all he had to do was APOLOGIZE. Now even if what my mom said he said wasn't exactly correct he shoukd have still apologized bc whatever he said clearly hurt her and he should have NEVER EVER called her nuts or say shes losing her mind. He even tried to say her doctor put her on medication for her "losing her mind" which she responded that it's antidepressants bc of him. And they have fought before but this time seemed different for some reason. Someone help bc I don't think I can pretend like I'm not angry at him.
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Poor treatment by family members and fearful environments
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mvzdb6
|
22/04/2021
| 5
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/mvzdb6/21f_here_is_it_really_so_wrong_of_me_to/
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step child
|
Not sure if this is the appropriate flair. I guess it could be a partial vent but also looking for advice or some reassurance to my decision.
If you’re not ready to buckle up for a wild ride then here’s a
TLDR; Racist, homophobic, misogynistic stepdad who doesn’t do anything around the house and has a huge spending problem has now cheated on my mom. He’s played victim in every scenario at this point. Nothing is ever his fault, according to him. I’m tired of putting up with his bullshit ways and bearing witness to how poorly he treats his wife and family. Am I being too harsh in saying that I would like to cut ties and no longer want a relationship with him?
My parents divorced and both remarried within the same year when I was about 11.
My stepdad was really nice and an awesome person back then. He’s completely different now and over the years they’ve been together and I have lived with them he’s grown increasingly worse and my dislike for him has also increased.
This man has made COUNTLESS racist, homophobic, and misogynistic remarks over the years and I’ve bitten my tongue on MOST of them because I don’t feel like causing drama. Of course he’s a 37 year old white man in the military who loves Trump.
I see a lot of hate in his heart. A LOT. Towards other people just because of who they are. But this doesn’t even take the cake.
Nothing is ever his fault. He is so stubborn and blames anything that happens on my mom or someone else. He’s always playing the victim even though he literally is the reason for every issue in the household. He has a pissy attitude ALL THE TIME unless someone is sucking up to him, kissing his ass, and basically treating him like a king. He wakes up and comes home with an attitude every day and everyone is forced to just endure it.
My mom literally does EVERYTHING for the both of them. They have an 8 year old son together that she practically takes care of him by herself. He messes with him and plays around with him but literally in the most fucked up way. He will make dark humored ‘jokes’ to my little brother saying stuff like “I never wanted you” “we should’ve left you on the side of the road” or will even put a pillow over his face and say something fucked up like “shhh now I can get what I’ve always wanted”. My little brother laughs but more often than not he is laughing in a way where he sounds HURT and like he’s about to CRY. I don’t care if you’re fucking joking, THESE ARE NOT THINGS THAT YOU SAY TO YOUR CHILD?!
Anyways, he will make dinner every once in awhile but that’s about it. He gets pissed every time he has to do anything and acts like he’s the only one who does things around the house. My mom does dishes, cooks, grocery shops, takes care of my lil bro, picks him up and takes him to school every day, cleans the house, the list goes on. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this man pick up a broom or scour a bathroom. The most he will do is put his dirty, unrinsed plate straight into the dishwasher. Also leaves his trash EVERYWHERE. Never picks up after himself.
Let’s also include that he has a spending problem and wants so badly to act like he’s rich and can afford all these name brand, bougie items. My mom works way more than he does (bc when he’s not on mission he literally works from 9am to 11 am) and she also is the breadwinner of the house by almost double. Weeks ago she was crying to me that at this point she’s literally working all these hours just to try and keep up with his bills and spending habits. Every one of her checks was going to credit card payments that he racked up. She is 13 years older than my stepdad and has expressed many times that she does NOT want to work full time or even be in a position of power like she is right now. She’s a PTA but also the Rehab department director. Of course that management position was pushed onto her by her husband because he wanted her to make more money so he could spend more. Way to be the “man of the house” you so desperately want to be.
There’s been times he put them in so much debt to where she went through nights not able to sleep. A few months ago he was being very persistent on buying her a PRADA purse. There’s a store in the mall we live next to and we had passed by it a few times while shopping there. She looked in the windows and told him repeatedly that she didn’t like any of those purses and that she’s fine with the Coach and MK purses she has already. She legitimately did NOT like any of the styles of the PRADA purses, wasn’t even about the insane price, but that wasn’t an acceptable answer. So finally she made a comment that there was ONE purse that looked OKAY. But again, they don’t have the money nor did she want to spend that kind of money on a purse she ~kind of liked~. Few weeks later we went back to the mall to grab dinner and me and her decided to take a peek in the VS store because they had a sale on spray hand sanitizers. Come back out and he had went and purchased the purse she said she kind of liked. $3000 just like that, racked up on the credit card. She asked him to take it back and he said there’s no returns and was getting pissed at her.
She didn’t wear it for the longest time and was also not sleeping for the next few days because she was so stressed about bills and money. But of course he doesn’t care, all he cared about was that he wanted to be bougie and spend $3k on a PRADA purse to make his wife look expensive. Who gives a shit if she actually wanted the purse or not, right? That was a gift for HIM, not my mom.
I could literally speak forever about all the things he does wrong - but what happened 2 nights ago was the last straw for me.
After being on a mission in Vietnam for 2 months with barely any contact with my mother (even when he was able to call her or text her), he comes home and is acting VERY distant. He didn’t let us go pick him up, he never told us what time he was coming home, all we knew was the day. He walked in on Sunday morning at 8 am. Monday night he claims he wants to go to a friends house for a few hours because his friend is leaving in a week. Leaves around 6:30 after literally just being in an argument with my mom because she’s trying to figure out why he already is leaving to go somewhere else when he hasn’t even been home for 36 hrs. He always keeps his friends and social life separate from her too so there’s no surprise as to why he had no intention of bringing her. But nonetheless, she was hurt that he already wanted to leave his family for a night when he JUST got home.
My dad cheated on my mom and left her for another woman. She’s been through this shit before and knows all the signs. She knew something was up because of the way he was acting. After the argument he left and she ended up sending him a text explaining her feelings and just trying to communicate with him. No response. Sends him maybe 5 more texts. Nothing. Calls him OVER 10 times. Nothing.
He has a iPhone and an Apple Watch, there’s no way he wasn’t seeing her calls. So she hopped onto the computer and was trying to login to his text messages and see if she can find anything fishy - cuz that’s another thing. He never lets ANYONE have his phone and is always very secretive. God forbid mom even tries to pick up his phone he will find an excuse to get it out of her hand.
Anyways, she ended up doing some wizard shit and got his location from find my iPhone. He was not where he said he was going to be. Surprise, surprise. So I found the exact location on my phone and sent her the pin. This was about 9:20 at night now. She hopped in the car and went to the house. It was some chicks house and he was there.
He claimed that they didn’t have sex and that it was moms fault because apparently he got calls while in Vietnam from a divorce lawyer asking him about his divorce with my mother. It most definitely was not her and while we don’t really know how he ended up getting those calls (scam?), but instead of BRINGING IT UP to her, he chose to never say anything about it and come home and cheat on her within 36 hours of arrival.
This girl was some chick he met at the fucking Apple Store right after Christmas when he went to buy himself new headphones and a fancy charger because clearly what my mom got him for Christmas just wasn’t enough and he needed more. He claims he told her he was married but obviously that didn’t stop them from exchanging emails and speaking to each other for over 4 months. According to him Monday night was the first time he ever went to see that girl.
He’s always treated my mom like shit and has ALWAYS had a wandering eye. I have reason to believe this probably isn’t the first time he’s cheated on her.
Anyways she ends up letting him sleep in the same bed as her that SAME night and they went to therapy the next day and are acting like everything is fine now. I wish she wouldn’t stay with him but it’s her choice and she has a son and is also religious so I am trying to respect her decision.
However, I cannot fake liking my stepdad anymore. This was the last straw for me and I no longer have any interest in having a relationship with him. I know this will hurt my mom and it hurts me because we have a really good relationship with each other and I do think me not being approving of my stepdad will hinder that relationship I have with my mother.
Knowing all of this, am I being too hard? I really do not want to forgive him and I don’t think I could ever be on good terms with him again. He’s been way too fucking shitty to my mom and my little brother for way too long. There’s only so many excuses for his bad decisions.
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Poor treatment by family members and fearful environments
|
qo6xma
|
06/11/2021
| 16
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/qo6xma/my_mom_wants_me_to_call_her_boyfriend_uncle/
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step child
|
We have been having an argument about this and ive repeatedly said that calling people by their first name is fine, and that i don't see why i should be calling them aunty or uncle. She then got heavily offended by it and said that i was being disrespectful towards my culture, which in my opinion made no sense. After all that i referred to my moms boyfriend by his name, and she looked shocked. I said that he wasn't my dad nor someone who is related to me and that i saw no reason for me to not call him by his first name, she still said i was being disrespectful even though he seems to have no problem with it.
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
|
yq03jp
|
08/11/2022
| 8
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/yq03jp/i_just_let_loose_on_my_moms_boyfriend_and_i_dont/
|
step child
|
My mom is babysitting her friend's son today. The boy is quite young and has a mental disability, so he takes a while to pick up on things. He didn't clean his mess in the bathroom, and my mom's boyfriend screamed at him. He started going off about the kid, and I told him to leave the kid alone. He then replied, "Don't talk to me kid, because I'm tired of your sh\*t as well."
It's at this point that I went buck wild. I just let loose and screamed at him. I literally could not control it, and I got all of that bent-up aggression and frustration out at him. I don't remember what I said, I don't remember what he said, I just remember feeling a rush of adrenaline while being numb and then blasting off. I feel bad, mostly because I don't like being rude/yelling at people. But at the same time, I know what I said was the truth. I know that he deserved what I said. My mom even told him after I cooled down, "I told you he was going to get sick of your crap." I have this weird sensation where it feels like I've used all of my body's reserved energy. I want to say sorry, but I don't feel like he deserves it. The guy is a royal douche canoe, and he treats everyone like garbage. I drew the line once he started yelling at the little boy, and now I don't know what to do. I told myself to hold on a bit longer. He's moving out soon (\~12 months), and my mom has forced him to give me rides to college since we're giving him somewhere to stay. I've constantly told myself, "Don't bite the hand that feeds you, don't bite the hand that feeds you."
Suffice to say, I bit him. I put him in his place, but I don't feel "good." I don't have a ride to college, but at least he knows how I feel. What should I do from here on out?
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
|
pducms
|
29/08/2021
| 9
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/pducms/all_for_a_open_toilet_seat/
|
step child
|
So, my (19F) mother's (56F) husband (almost 60M) is a control freak and a neat freak. Everything has to be how he wants it and clean how he wants it. I, of course, am the complete opposite and can stand the fact that my mother let him talk to me in a disrespectful way. I think he acts like this because he doesn't feel accepted by me, but he is, he doesn't accept himself being here.
I just don't get why he's so stuck up and can't tone down a little his personality like I did for my mom's sake.
A particular thing he wants is that the toilet seat has to be closed and doesn't accept the fact that I don't care if it's open or closed. Every time he finds the toilet seat open, he assumes it's my fault and he exclaimes "the toilet seat is open" and I respond "yeah, close it when you are done".
Yesterday, I didn't close the toilet for the first time, and he said what he said and I just sighed. I said" then close it when you are done". He was starting his rant on me, mom said "oh, stop it, you are repeating yourself".
Since yesterday he almost didn't say a word to me. Fine to me, but he's really childish.
Thank you for your attention
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
|
l46axk
|
24/01/2021
| 11
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/l46axk/i_dont_know_how_to_deal_with_him_anymore/
|
step child
|
I'm 15. A fifteen year old girl. I have a stepdad. When he was introduced to the family. He was pretty ok, pretty nice and stuff. Then he started trying to be a disciplinarian, which included shouting at the top of his lungs at me, threatening to beat me, etc. (but he never does so don't worry) He only does this when he's angry. But I already get beaten on the occasion by my mom anyway, which, to be fair is ok because I'm not the best kid. Whenever I feel I deserve it I let her beat me whenever I don't I put my arms up or push her away. One time when my mom left me to his care, he feigned hitting me and it activated something in me I didn't know I had, I literally just screamed and started beating at his chest, not too hard. When I got back to my room I was shaking. said I "smacked his chest". Well, he mentioned it to my mom. But anyway, I don't know how to deal anymore. I used to be affectionate with him and enjoyed his affection, but he started doing this more often and now I feel completely neutral about him unless he raises his voice or changes his tone, to which then I proceed to do so as well. But he is also kind. But its hard to accept his affection. It feels wrong. I can't do it anymore. So I just ignore him or reply with the bare minimum. I don't know. Help?
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
|
i1edhf
|
31/07/2020
| 9
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/i1edhf/my_step_mom_is_crazy/
|
step child
|
Ok so I'm with my father and his girlfriend for the next couple days , .
So I was just chilling in my room when not even 20 mins ago , she told me to make my bed or she'd take it away cause she hates seeing it unmade.
I'm here probably 4 or 6 days a month ago most . I want to tell her to close my damn door if it bothers her so much or make it herself If she has a problem with it .
Like it's my room for frick sake not hers . Along with that is she is a complete control freak sometimes and gets into fights with my dad over the stupidest things like a parking spot or that I got my dad a drink and myself ice cream before she arrived at an event we attended.
I use to like her but after my paternal grandmother moved out because of her , let me tell you she is just a complete nutjob
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
|
x0q0iw
|
29/08/2022
| 3
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/x0q0iw/my_stepmom_drives_me_crazy/
|
step child
|
Backstory: this is my dad's third wife. They dated in high school and got back together about 20 years ago. I was about 28 when they got married. I am now 48. My dad now has Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, abyss a host of many other illnesses and is in assisted living. He's 74. They live three hours north of me.
This woman can be pushy. "You should try this, you should try that." She uses guilt like a weapon. Even my own mother doesn't do that. I love my dad but his wife always makes me anxious, wondering what I'm going to do next to offend her.
She called yesterday. Twice. So I know it was a big deal. She left voicemails. But my phone never gave me notifications, for the calls or the VM. I got the VM last night around 12:30a. My dad is in there hospital and he's not responding and the doctors say the prognosis isn't good. I knew she was going to be pissed that I didn't answer AND I didn't call back right away but I didn't want to call back so late.
Let me just say that I love my dad, but he's not the dad I remember. It kills me to see him like this. He has non-sensical conversations, thinks he's on the moon one second and at work the next second. And if he gets some fact wrong, my step-mom will correct him, which seems to make him feel like an idiot. It drives me nuts. I also don't like visiting alone because I just don't know what to say to him. It's just an overall crappy situation.
I called her back this morning at 8:30. She answers the phone like, "huh?" I say hello she says, "I'm at the hospital," in this pissed off voice. "I'm trying to feed your father so I'll have to call you back."
I ask, "what is going on?"
"Well, I've been trying to call you since the day before yesterday."
"No, I just got two VM from YESTERDAY that my phone never registered. I'm sorry I'm just calling back now."
"Well, I also texted you via Facebook and What's App."
"I checked those and I don't have anything from you."
"Well, I have to go. I'll call you later."
"Yes, call me later."
And she hangs up.
Seriously?? I hate that this woman is the gatekeeper of my father. She never texted me. She only called me yesterday. She's trying to make it seem like she did more to make me look like a jerk.
I just needed to rant.
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
|
xyzmqz
|
08/10/2022
| 6
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/xyzmqz/help_i_am_a_mini_wife_the_key_is_simply/
|
step child
|
I'm gonna jump right in...see, as there was no Mom in our household, I, being in the oldest daughter, automatically rose in the hierarchy, moving up to the position of Mom. My Dad would become angry and frustrated easily from the stress of raising us, so I tried from as early as I can remember to be as responsible as possible to not cause him further unhappiness. I hated to see him sad and overwhelmed, so I tried to be helpful instead. I also felt responsible for my little brother and giving him a Mom. So I grew up in that role, trying to replace my late mother and feeling very proud and selfless about it, actually. I always just assumed that it would always be this way – that if this was our lot in life, I would readily step up to it and that for the burden of having to grow up fast, I would get to enjoy my father’s admiration and undivided attention.
So, then he got himself a new wife. They pushed for adoption of us kids. And my life in hell began.
Because I felt so *humiliated*. Here I was, having willingly and proudly sacrificed my childhood because the situation freaking *required* it, - no way was I gonna let my family go down - and no I was not recognized or thanked or treated as appropriate because all of a sudden, my Dad got himself a stranger who apparently could do it better just because she was an actual adult. If she had been a hired nanny or something, that would have been an entirely different story because woman would have gotten paid to take care of us and wouldn’t have disturbed our family. But like this? *I knew very well that I was way too young for it, yet I did the work*, I would have continued to learn all the necessary things as fast as possible and do the thing without complaining. Only to be replaced and completely passed over by my Dad who made me feel so incredibly stupid for thinking I could fill that void at 5-6 years old. But the fact remains that I did not make this up...!???? There HAD BEEN a void for some time that HAD needed filling. For some time, I had NEEDED to step up. And to belittle me so for bravely taking on that role and pushing me back into the bratty child dynamic when I had literally tried to save us...??? Made me feel utterly worthless tbh.
And so the competition started. Yes I was rivaling my stepmother. My Dad didn’t tolerate it, in fact he grew very uncomfortable when I tried to seek closeness to him. But the thing is, I was never formally exonerated from my duty as instant-Mom. See, a wedding is kind of a formal declaration that a man or a woman are no longer single. They talk about it, they express it in law and in symbolism and in affection. They make that conscious decision together. But no one kinda ever told *me* that I could stop being the instant-Mom now. That I was officially released from the burden. That I could be a child again. (Which I never identified as btw. Someone would have had to deliberately and graciously teach me what that even meant!) And so the roles got entirely reversed: Not only did I keep acting responsible for my Dad, I now legit thought I was responsible for my SM and HER kids and for making THEM happy too!!!
I see a lot of the threads around this topic being unbelievably harsh on the child’s behavior. Like the kid is snobbish and arrogant and needs to be pushed back into their role as child by force. Welp, that didn’t work on me... because all it made me feel was shame, and anger, and bitterness and invisibility and unwantedness for my honest efforts to help this family through our loss. And so I felt the urge to prove them wrong and be a better adult than the actual adult.
I...would have liked some form of recognition. Not even by my BD, but rather by the new SM. Someone telling me “Thank You for getting your family through at an age where no one should have to be doing this.” Something like “I know you were so, so brave and so, so strong. But baby, you can let go of that burden now. You can release it, because I, the Stepmom, am now here to do it, and you can relax because I will take care of you, too.”
I would have needed her to show me what that actual release meant and looked like. That I was not forced to be the stupid kid (which insulted and betrayed the sense of love, duty, and the sensibility I had shown), but *allowed* to let go and relax. I would have needed someone to give me grace at being irresponsible again.
Tbh I don’t really know how to let go of it now, because I couldn’t actually be a kid anymore even if I was allowed to. I’m 25. I’m stuck wanting to be a kid yet never getting the chance for that ever again. My SM and I are rivals, I wish it could have been different. Please, if you’re a stepparent, help your stepkid by telling them Thank You and that they may drop the act now. We really want you to be the adult and we need it so badly. We just got stuck in survival mode and then got punished for it. So we hold on to the position and we strike back.
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
|
11o8s6i
|
11/03/2023
| 12
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/11o8s6i/need_help_salvaging_relationship_with_step_dad/
|
step child
|
This post wasn't accepted to the step-parent sub so posting here instead. This will also be long because this is also a rant. I'm a stepson, and my step dad and I do not see eye to eye. We have argued with each other several times. I have never shouted at him but he has shouted at me on several occasions. Currently things are uneasy. We aren't openly hostile but I can feel the tension whenever we speak, and my mother tells me he does too. We try to feign pleasantness with each other. For example, he cooks breakfast often and dinner as well, and I always make sure to complement him, but in the mornings I don't even want to leave my room in fear of talking to him even when I need to get ready for school, and at night if he's in the kitchen where he'll see me leave my room I will stay until I hear their bedroom door close even if I desperately need to use the bathroom, need a drink, etc. He has never hit me but he is from Texas and very stubborn and opinionated and has a history of violence with his former step-parents, so I'm scared to push him.
I have a horrendous reputation with my bio-dad. We haven't spoken in years. That bridge is burned, and involved court. I will not speak to him ever again, and my family agrees with that decision. There was physical violence involved with me and my mother, so he is genuinely gone from my life. But because of that, it's impacting my relationship with my step dad and I feel so fucking terrible for it. He knows what happened with my bio-dad and tries to empathize, but everytime I hear his voice in the other room I get scared thinking about interacting with him and it's the worst thing in the world because I know he wants a family. He's 40 years old and my mother (who I love dearly) is 39. He has never had kids and is trying to learn how to parent. He tries to go do things with us but I always try to wriggle out of it and feel like such an entitled brat because I enjoy when he's not around and feel like I can breathe. My mother knows and agrees that he's very hard to talk to, and even HIS own mother said he's bad with communication and family relationships. But I'm 17 and I feel like I have to be man enough to love him but I don't know how. My dad and I never did stuff even when we were "good" and it doesn't feel right when I interact with my step dad because of that. But I have to change this because I know he absolutely hates it when he does nice things for us but we won't love him back. I know this. And I hate that part of myself. That takes all the good things he does for us and shuns him and shuts him out in return. I hate myself for it.
I recently started reading some of your guy's experiences as step-parents on the step-parent sub. I've been reading how you feel about your stepchildren and what they do. I don't get violent with him like I've read in some of these stories, but from what I'm reading I'm ticking all the boxes for entitled brat and I want to change our relationship. And this is the part where I ask you for help.
What do you want from your step-children as a step parent? What can they do that will tell you they love you? I don't want to move out at 18 and constantly be thinking about my step-dad in the worst way and hate talking with him. I want to salvage this relationship and bond with each other but I don't know how, so please help me understand how you want your step-children to interact with you. Anything is appreciated because I feel like I don't know how to communicate or interact with father figures. Thank you.
This is a burner account because of how personal this is to me.
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
|
quccqi
|
15/11/2021
| 10
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/quccqi/should_basic_necessities_be_expected_from_step/
|
step child
|
So basically I’ve been living with my stepmother (52F) as well as my father (51M) together for about 4 or 5 months now. They got married about a month and a half ago. Though the constant shit I got from the lady started the first week we moved into the new house together. Lately however, it’s gotten somehow worse. I always get told I treat her with “zero respect”, despite me never picking fights with her and keeping to myself. She is always the one picking fights with me 24/7. Not that long ago I was getting picked up by my aunt to go somewhere, when I was extremely late. A ran out of the door and didn’t realize I didn’t close it. This would be an issue if my stepmother wasn’t doing something 3 feet away from the fucking door and saw me leave. She complained nonstop over text for an hour, in a group chat, to father and I about it, to which she kept personally insulting me as apposed to providing anything useful. She ignored me after this incident for about three weeks. Would not speak to me with the exception of messaging me chores to do over text in the aforementioned groupchat. Though there was one other exception. 2 days after the incident, she, when I tried joining a conversation with her and my father said, “*insert my name*, no one cares about your opinion!*” and stomped away.
It is not like I am an insanely troublesome child. I clean all communal areas to the best of my ability as soon as I can. The only troublesome thing would be expecting logic and consistency when trying to lecture me.
Lately I have been bothered by my father and stepmother 24/7, with the only ever argument being that “she pays half the bills”. I am told to do her favors and clean up after her minor hiccups (despite her never in a million years giving me the same pleasure). If I ever expected such a thing of her, I would never get a break. Maybe potentially kicked out (though that might be a tad of a stretch). She treats me extremely rudely out of nowhere very often, and when I react negatively towards her, I get told “She pays half the bills”. Every time she does anything inexcusable as a step-parent it’s always “But she pays half of the bills”. It’s not like she is actually nice at heart, she has hated me for the longest time. She complained about me to her family over the phone every night for months straight in front of me. Today she complained about the way I sit, to which I explained that every reason that she had that I wasn’t allowed to sit the way I wished to, was fully resolved (as we now had a carpet under the table and I switched seats). So my father interjected, saying “We just both care and are trying to prepare you for when you are an adult.” Then my stepmother said “No, I don’t care. I care about her being disrespectful when she is sitting and having dinner with me at the table. I never talk to her almost ever outside of sitting at dinner, so no I don’t care.” She continued, “Also she was constantly disrespectful at an gathering when she kept having her feet up on the chair despite the comments to me from my mother, brothers, my sisters and law and etc.” then she said to me “It’s like you don’t give a shit!” I honestly don’t understand why I should have. Quite frankly I think that she gave me a worse impression than I ever gave her. Honestly I think her need to appease her family to that extent expresses some kind of self-esteem issue, considering I “embarrass her so much”. So I replied to her “You’re right, I don’t. Though I am glad you were at the very least being honest.” Call me immature, but at least a minimum amount of respect is expected from authority figures. Afterword I received a lecture about how I shouldn’t have done that because I am a direct embarrassment to her at gatherings. Then they brought up how she pays half the bills again and how she pays for food.
Is this behavior expected from stepparents? It’s not like I am 18, I am simply 15. Neither are they struggling to make ends meet. Hell, my father makes six figures and my stepmother is close to being able to retire. She monitors me 24/7 and reports everything I do to my father because she works at home and goes on a tirade about every minor thing I ever do.
Should this be expected of a stepparent who is biologically in no way related to you whatsoever (and only associates with you because they’re screwing your father *cough* *cough*)?
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
|
zphxc0
|
19/12/2022
| 7
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/zphxc0/need_help_manage_this_situation_with_my_stepmother/
|
step child
|
Recently I've been trying to make plans to see my stepmother, the problem is when she makes plans with me she doesn't let me know what time until the day/night before or on the day and if they are cancelled its the same situation.
The most recent occasion she asked (4/5 days before my dad birthday) to come round in the morning with my dad on his birthday, i said yes and asked her what time, she didn't message me back about it until the night before saying my dad will call me and let me know in the morning. I had already spoken to him that day and he wasn't very well so i was frustrated she didnt just tell me then that they weren't coming. When i spoke to my dad he didnt even mention it, just that he wasnt well, he didnt even know she had planned for them to come over.
After this I decided I needed some time to myself before talking to her about it (I struggle to talk properly when I'm angry). She kept messaging me about how I'm being off with her but I didn't feel it was right to talk about it on his birthday and this weekend they have been away, so again I didn't want to mention it but she message me again. I told messaged her back explaining what was wrong and how it made me feel. She responded asking me when this happened and that it has to be weeks ago because I've been off with her since, that doesn't want to argue with me and is upset that I feel like I can't trust her not to let me down, that it's unfair after everything we've been through (along with much more).
I'm so angry that she isn't even a little bit understanding and I feel like I'm being guilt tripped for telling her what she had done and made me feel, what do I do?
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
|
qyyiia
|
21/11/2021
| 7
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/qyyiia/i_need_an_opinion_from_at_least_one_step_parent/
|
step child
|
A little knowledge about me. I abide by almost all words and teachings from adults, no I've not strayed at all
I am 14 years old so you may or may not think of me as a mindless teenager but I am truthfully affected and mostly hurt by the curcumstances I'm facing at this point.
My step mother disregards my grandpa, imagining his room being used as my father's office when he passes on. I don't know if I'm being too sensitive about it but i feel like it's so disrespectful, at the expense of his life. Mind you, I am not someone who snitch. And even if I do, I don't think my father will take my word for it lol.
I don't think she regards me as her daughter. Never once has she addressed me as her daughter even when I call her mom. I've always been referred to as my father's daughter. Moreover, she tells everyone about how much she loves me so much so that she doesn't want a child of her own. However, I can't help but think that I'm just a cover-up, a pawn. Why? Because she dislikes kids, and probably enjoys her free time more, risking her life for a child she doesn't even want is just another add-on. But my point being, she's using me as her emergency plan.
She tells me all about how she could live a long life with me to support her, being the only reason she invests time and money in me. Quoting, "What else could I use you for?" It is so painful to know that your father found a mother figure only for you to be used by for her own reasons.
She talks about marrying my father in front of me. (Yes, I called her mom even before the marriage and I'll explain it later) kissing in front of me, there stood my step mother and my father. Without a care in the world what the child of the other marriage thinks. You have no idea how painful it is to see them so happy as you suffer.
She's an emergency find by my father. I grew up without a mother figure. I was 5-7 so you can imagine how confusing it is for a little girl. I got pressured into calling her mom for 2 years by all my relatives. Quickly, the 6 year old girl met in a dilemma. Being treated soo well by this aunt. The first impression. Soon met with my birth mother, she said she'd give up on me if I did call her my mom. Soon enough I did, only because I felt stressed out that everyone couldn't relax aboit the situation. I cried so hard realising that I would never have the chance to meet my biological mother ever again. I am regretting it till this day.
Back on to my step mother..
She hates me communicating with my father (probably) glaring at me when she comes home to find me and my father laughing at silly videos. Quickly excuses me to go clean trash and talks to my father. For at least an hour, (around 11pm so i had to go sleep anyways) I have no intention to drive them apart but it felt as if she's creating a wedge between my father and I. She never engages in conversation where I tell her about my day but I have to listen to her complains.
She treats everything with me like a competition. She's the reason I never wear dresses and skirts. Always jeans or sports shorts, baggy shirts and never trying out hairstyles. She is short and more on the chubby side so she's weight concious. Even a baking competition and she lets me eat all the cookies once done, we don't share it because she's on a diet. To the point where I'm jokingly saying that I'd like a rich man to take care of me and she ridicules the way I look. I do not think that I look unattractive at all and I'm quite confident in many things I do. She always tells me "your face is so ugly, who would even want to marry you." Of course, I am not very insecure about something I don't even care about but it still hurts coming from a mother figure.
Threatening to leave the house when engaging in an arguement with me over a small pile of clothes and some books on the floor. Trashes my entire room, the one I spent so much time on to align even all the books into a straight line. Of course, when she leaves, my father would blame me for it. To the point I'm starting to question if I loved my father anymore.
With all that said, I feel like it's probably my fault. I am after all the defect in the family and countless of times I've been told that my opinions were one of the teen phases. That I should just forget about it. But since I can't I'm turning to the internet for help, perhaps to even humble myself since up til now all I did was complain and saw nothing but the selfish side of a step parent.
Please help me out! I need opinions on my thoughts. It's been haunting me for 9, nearing 10 years
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
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12f54qi
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08/04/2023
| 3
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https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/12f54qi/my_mum_wont_break_up_with_my_stepdad/
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step child
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a few things to mention before i explain anything:
- my dad died three years ago in early 2020 (not due to covid)
- my mum isnt married to my stepdad, but they are in a serious relationship so i will be referring to him as such
- my mum, stepdad (and dad) are all polyamorous and my mum goes on various dates with other people (i dont mind this)
- my mum was in a relationship with stepdad while my dad was still alive
- i found out about my parents’ polyamory when i was 12 and never had an issue before this
- stepdad has a son (7M) whos mum died a year ago
- we only live together on weekends in a shared house
i (15F) am sick of my mum (50F) arguing with her partner (59M). they have been primary partners ever since my dad died and everything was chill for maybe a year. but as my stepdad got more and more involved in our lives they started to fight more and more often.
its gotten to the point where i usually hear them screaming at eachother one a week. its usually just yelling but my mum has thrown a wine glass at him once before.
in the past, my mum has told me that shes ended it with him and that she doesnt think it’ll work out between them but a few days later theyre usually back together again and fighting the next weekend.
this weekend, one of stepdads coworkers was invited over. apparently they discussed that she would come over at some point but it was never established when and for how long. she showed up out of nowhere last night saying she would stay the night and neither my mum nor my stepdad had any idea she would do this. she was later asked to leave and another massive fight was started.
im so fucking sick of them yelling at eachother any chance they get and im worried for my stepbrother and how this will affect him.
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
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olo6ve
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16/07/2021
| 11
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https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/olo6ve/idk_how_to_title_this_i_just_need_to_vent_ab/
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step child
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So my sister got her phone taken away because she was on it at 12am after being warned twice before not to. That is not my issue here. The problem is the “punishment” my stepmom set my sister to give her a chance to “earn” her wifi back (she got her phone but she was blocked from the WiFi completely, computer and all).
To get her wifi privileges back, my sister has to write lines. Actually write lines. 50 times, “I will not abuse my privileges”, and then she has to bring the paper(s) to my stepmom. As if we’re misbehaving boarding school students from 1990’s England. All in all it’s a very lax punishment, barely one at all, but the sheer humiliation that would come with doing it is enough to get me angry on my sister’s behalf (she doesn’t seem to care much, but I think that’s just because she knows that arguing in any way will get her WiFi blocked permanently… at least, until we go back to our mom’s house for the rest of the summer). Writing lines. Are you kidding me? Because she was on her phone at 12am? I’ve been caught staying up until 3am before and the most I had to do was leave my phone in the living room before I went to bed. Jesus Christ.
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
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q2mxog
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06/10/2021
| 5
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https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/q2mxog/update_stepdad_being_released_from_prison_in_7/
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step child
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(I don't use reddit very often so i don't know how to link my previous post / context, sorry)
So me and my mom have had a couple conversations and a couple arguments and she said that they'll just get their own place to hang out instead of having him live with us. Which is great but i don't completely trust her word. She says that he'll have to stay here for a day or two until he finds a place he could stay which i can bear.
My sister will be staying with her friend for the duration he's here and i'm not too sure if i should stay with someone else too because i'm too worried about myself but my sister may see it as a sort of betrayal? i don't know.
But their relationship seems to have been really rocky lately so i have my hopes up.
Essentially it feels like a game of chance here.
Me and sister agreed that we'd live with our respective friends ( we go to different high schools and each friend live really close to our own school) and we'd visit each other often.
Hopefully they end their relationship and gets out of our lives.
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
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pc2c13
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26/08/2021
| 11
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https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/pc2c13/my_stepmom_find_excuses_for_everybody_and_im/
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step child
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So little back story: my dad remarried (after his marriage with my mom ended) with my now step-mom (SM) because she had my little sister when I was 7-8 y/o. She already had a boy, who would always pick on me, but she protected from anything.
On to the story. So I was at lunch on a Sunday with my dad's side of the family, and we were chatting. We then start talking about old people and expecially my mom's mother who, for your info, is a tattler and says really hurtful things that she knows it will mess with my insecurities (for example she told me I have gained weight on my birthday, which I didn't and I confronted her about it). I told them that. SM's responded with "well, I don't think she meant it to hurt you". i told her that my grandmother knew of my insecurity and deliberately tried to hurt me. "Again, i don't think she meant it". In that moment I had it. I said "don't you think that she meant not to hurt me, she wouldn't ask in the first place, and also tried to convince me I gained weight? If you excuse me, I have to leave the table". And I left. My dad tried to excuse her behaviour, to no success. This was strike 1.
2 month later she broke her arm falling from the stairs and the doctor said she couldn't move her arm whatsoever. That meant that my sad and sister had to do whatever she wanted them to do. After she took her cast off, she couldn' t still move how she wanted. One day, my dad asked her to remove the mosquito net so me and him could put a table outside on the balcony. She couldn't, because "my arm is still too weak to do such movements" and , to be honest, she was right, a 100%, it was better for her not to do that. But when I got downstairs I saw her carrying one of the two hard wood drawers of that table. So I said "Damn, SM, you couldn't remove the mosquito net, but you are doing this? Wow"
And then she sputtered saying that she can this type of movement and whatnot. Then I hear her saying "she treats me bad, why is she like that?" To my dad,her cousin and my grandpa. My dad then on the ride home said she really loves me and treats me like her own child. I said " she's no different from my mom's mom, she talks behind my back and is an hypocrite". My dad denied this, but I think he feels the same way somedays. From that day on we don't talk much and she became cold with me, but I was just telling what I felt and I shrug thinking of her behaviour or her in general.
Thanks for your attention
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
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up611n
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14/05/2022
| 4
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https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/up611n/aita_for_telling_my_stepdad_to_stop_yelling/
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step child
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I (M15) AM grounded for the being and my whole family has a lot of stress since we are moving. But My stepdad (M45) is really being hard on me like he will say rude comments and just try to get in a arguement with me. I have heard the same from my dad who left 2 years ago and I am happy that he is gone but I feel like it's getting worse with my stepdad. Well a couple days ago he was yelling at his daughter I act like she is my sister since I have been with her since she was born. It was about her homework and I said I would deal with it and he should stop yelling. He freaks out and says "I don't need you lecturing me on how I shouldn't raise my voice in front of my kids." I am telling him to just stop yelling then. and he tells me to go to my room. I am glad and I leave and he still yells something at me. AITA???
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
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10uz7xv
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06/02/2023
| 0
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https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/10uz7xv/step_dad_screams_a_slur/
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step child
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before i start- we are all white.
​
this happened a while ago so some details may be fuzzy, but this is what i remember of this day.
​
background context: me and my twin brother show affection to each other by being mean. it has no ill intent, and both of us are fine with it.
​
anyway, this all started after me and my brother got a zombie game called daymare from gamestop, and went home to play it. we were sitting on the couch with them and we ask them to go upstairs, for two reasons. we wanted to play it alone and it would be awkward if they were there, and we were going to swear. i know that isnt really serious, but they've asked us not to swear around them, so we just we following those rules. it was a zombie game and we are teenagers, if we get jumpscared, we were going to swear.
also they werent doing anything but screwing around on their phones, they could do that upstairs.
they both get pissed, and then they change their old sentence to say that we cant swear at all (we are teenagers, again. we are going to swear.). our step dad threatens to take our phones and attempts to act like a father figure for a few minutes (we are uncomfortable with this kind of behavior because neither of us like him, and we were abused by our father.) and then he gets pissed that his threat isnt working and he also thinks im mocking him and making fun of him.
​
off topic, but the reason he thought i was mocking him was because i was making a really weird face. like. what the hell was wrong with me in that moment?? jesus christ i looked like i stubbed my toe. i think i was doing that because he attempted to be a father figure? idk
​
something else happens, and he runs over to the topic that... me and my brother hate each other!! we dont, and from what ive seen, we get along way better then other siblings. fuck, are you guys trying to kill each other or something? what the hell did they do to you LMFAO
but he thinks we dont like each other because we "arent kind to each other". he thinks that being mean and swearing at each other isnt a form of affection, because "its mean!".
​
he then says something like "what if i called your mother a whore?" IT DEPENDS
is that how you two joke with each other? or are you just being mean?
​
somehow, the topic goes back to swearing, and while my brother, him, and our mom were arguing (i was still making that damn face and nearly dying, dont know what he hell was wrong with me, felt like i couldnt breath.), he screamed out the n word. everyone goes fucking SILENT. nobody says anything, nobody moves, all eyes are on his stupid ass.
​
and then all hell breaks lose again, my brother is yelling at him for saying that kinda shit, im losing my damn marbles (not funny, but it was so confusing to me so i just laughed, thats my response for things idk why) step dads trying to defend himself by saying all swears are slurs while actively swearing, and my mother is DEFENDING HIM. he is right beside her, proving how stupid he is, and she is on his side.
​
anyway they both go upstairs after a bit, and me and by twin play the game, a bit confused. anyway it has not been mentioned once by them. but is has become an inside joke with me and my brother ("if you dont get outside fast enough, hes gonna scream the n word!" etc)
​
this is just something i thought id post, because jesus christ.
​
also sorry if this is formatted weird or if there are any mistakes, im doing this on my computer and normally im a stinky mobile user.
AND. just incase, if any youtubers/tiktokers/etc find this, DO NOT POST IT. dont even touch this thing or i will shove every letter here up your ass.
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
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v5oz1c
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05/06/2022
| 7
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https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/v5oz1c/my_stepmom/
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step child
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I have a stepmother who has been my stepmother for about 8 years. Whenever we first met she was cool. Then when she moved in she started treating me like shit. I would always get in trouble for stuff HER daughter did. I would always go visit my mom when I was younger. My mother smoked cigarettes. When my stepmom found out about this, when I got back from visiting she started asking questions as if it was an interrogation. This happened more than once. I was 7 at the time. She would always create drama that wasn’t needed and would get me in trouble with my dad. Overtime she changed, or so I thought. A few years ago behind my back she said something hurtful that I will never forgive her for. I told her I knew and she apologized but the damage was already done. It made me wonder what else has she said about me. She is very different now but, I still find it hard to trust her. I love her and I feel like I can call her mom, but the trust isn’t there. I want to move on and be able to trust her, but I just can’t. I also feel different from all her other kids. I hate this feeling. I just wanna feel like I can trust her and have a good mother-daughter relationship with her.
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
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qxmcbg
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19/11/2021
| 18
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https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/qxmcbg/step_father_drunk_messaged_my_gf/
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step child
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My (m34) step father (61) drunk messaged my girlfriend (26) of 5 years saying he loved her and "wants to f*** her real bad" 2 days later he messaged "sorry that was for someone else" and removed the messages from messenger. We do not know how to handle this. On one side hes the last parent/grandparent we have left and i feel like i should forgive and forget. On the other hand this is completely disgusting and now we feel so awkward and creeped out. He messaged today and asked what we want for Thanksgiving. I dont know what to say. How would y'all handle this? I have not told any other family members and im not sure where to ask for advice.
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
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rc12qz
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08/12/2021
| 4
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https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/rc12qz/how_do_i_deal_with_the_woman/
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step child
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Hey everyone!
First time poster so please be gentle <U+0001F602><U+0001F926><U+200D><U+2640><U+FE0F>
So, my (35f) dad (53) left my mom 11 years ago. 6 months later and me and younger sisters (now 32and31) are introduced to new gf.
Now a few facts about my dad. He got my mom pregnant when he was 17 and had a shotgun wedding when he was 18. I get it he was young and forced into by his family, but he never really grew up in a way. His and my moms marriage was toxic as heck, arguing constantly (although mum tried to hide it), plenty of affairs (him) and he just wasnt there when we were children.
After 2 years they got married. Dad never told us about his engagement my sisters and I found out from fb, ngl that was a hurtful thing to us. During dads speech at the wedding we find out that him and new wife (known only in my family as dads wife) had been together for 6 years! Cue me and sisters mouths dropping! We were later to find out that dw's son was friends with dad's cousins son and lots of family knew and never told my paternal grandparents (which hurt my nan<U+0001F621>)
We never said anything because by that point, why bother? But very swiftly she tried to insert herself into my family. I will admit I found it difficult but I tried to be pleasant and did like her, to an extent.
This changed when my nan died 6 months after the wedding. The whole family were obviously devastated (we were all very close)
On the day my nan died that woman sat in my nan's chair saying 'it will be ok you still have your memories.' At that moment I saw red that has never really dulled over time, 6 years to be exact.
Honestly I just find her....odd. Cant really describe her personality, I just know that she tries to hard and doesn't fit in. Me and my sisters just find it harder the more years that go by the more we dislike the woman. I'm not known for holding my tongue, so I admit I find it increasingly hard to not tell dw what I think of her.
So any advice on how to handle dw going forward?
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
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okez88
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14/07/2021
| 11
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https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/okez88/stepmonster/
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step child
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Does anyone else walk out of your room to get water or food and turn right back around when you see she’s bitchin in the kitchen
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
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my1km9
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25/04/2021
| 18
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https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/my1km9/handling_feelings_i_have_towards_my_stepmother/
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step child
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Let me preface this by saying this is going to be VERY, VERY long but, I want to try to get my thoughts out regarding this matter the best I can.
Growing up my Dad had full custody of me. No issues with Mom just she felt I was better off with Dad and she lived across the country and I visited her on school breaks. My parents got divorced when I was four years of age. My Dad re-married when I was six years of age. My Stepmom had no kids of her own when she married my Dad. But, later on they had two kids together, a boy and girl. Neither of my parents have ever said a bad word about the other.
I remember hearing how when they first married and beforehand I would always be sitting in her lap and what-not. When she married my Dad she basically became a stay at home parent overnight. I am diagnosed with Autism and nowadays I am high-functioning but, through the second grade I had a helper in school and obviously being Autistic at times growing up I had a harder time navigating through the world.
Growing up, my stepmother was the person who was the one who did discipline and rule enforcement. Not because she is super strict or anything but, because my Dad is very passive. I remember her saying several times growing up "I know i'm not supposed to but, he can't do it he just can't he's not capable so I have to." Which I know put her in a bad position. A side note, she was raised in a pretty strict catholic traditional household so, that was her only model for being a parent.
Something that is weird is I notice most people who had stepmothers growing up seem to either have just good or bad to say. I.E. good would be she is an angel, she never tried to be my Mom and was like a big sister, etc...etc... or bad like she would belittle and mock me, treated her kids far better and let them be rude to me, seemed to resent my presence and called me a spoilt brat, etc...etc... But, for me, I had a mixture of good and bad i.e. 50/50.
Growing up I honestly believe that she did love me. And at times I felt loved by her. I had good times and bad but, even in the bad, I never even once picked up any vibes from her from what I can remember that she disliked me, resented me, hated me, didn't want me around, wished I would just go live with my Mom, etc...etc... Some things she had me do growing up looking back she had good intent but I did not enjoy at the time and wasn't the right fit for me. I.E. summer camp, volunteering at a thrift store, doing sports in middle school, etc...etc... I'm just not athletic or extroverted at all.
Let me start off with the good. She really did a lot to teach me manners and how to be polite and respectful and do chores. She taught me how to do laundry and cook and what-not. A lot of times doing chores growing up, she'd tell me "good job thank you for doing it." or, "You missed a spot." Then i'd say o'k and then she'd tell me thank you. In the third grade, she yelled at a girl who was bullying me. I remember several times in elementary school parents could come by school at lunch and have lunch with their kid and she did that. She volunteered on field trips and what-not to the point where staff at the Elementary School I went to remember her. She did a lot in terms of picking me up, doctor's and orthodontist appointments, talking to me about my day, playing board games, etc...etc...
Her family has always accepted me to the point where I never felt like an outsider. I just say my uncle or cousin I never preface it with the step prefix. She would take me clothes shopping like to Aeropostale or American Eagle and I went to see a movie with her several times I remember specifically this one with stray sled dogs in Antarctica that kind of scared me or something. And later on, to get white collar long sleeve t-shirts for when I got a job at a restaurant I won't name because it is the worse job I ever had(discussion for another time). A lot of times she'd tell me good things like "I am proud of you." "You should get mad and work real hard to get your grades up." "I love you, you are a nice young man, you have so much potential." "Good job." One time when I got grounded from the iPad(My high school gave students those). She said "It's nice to see you out and about more and interacting with us." At times she comforted me when I felt down and prayed with me when I was younger. She also helped me move into college right after high school with my Dad and two younger siblings(technically half). She would help with homework and I remember saying when I was younger "she's my stepmom but might as well be my Mom." from time-to-time. Overall, she really did do a lot for me I realize now looking back.
Sadly, at times there was some bad. In the 8th grade, we butted heads to the point where I decided to go live with my Mom for a year but, came back because I missed my friends/school/hometown and what-not. Several times in high school she got verbally abusive not crazy but, she'd call me a prick or a little shit in arguments and never apologized. Every now and then if she was having a bad day or mad about stuff or whatever I feel she'd kind of take it out on me by talking to me in a condescending and/or mocking tone of voice for a bit but, it was not a common occurrence. There were 3 certain incidents I can remember in the 8th grade where it made me feel bad and 2 times in high school where she got physical with me not crazy but, pushing.
The first one was we argued for a bit after dinner and then she grabbed the container of tin-foil wrap and held it up like she was going to strike me in the head with it and I remember running downstairs. I could hear her upstairs hysterically laughing like she was just done or something and my Dad being like "why did you do that?" The second one was we got in an argument and I guess I got upset and walked out of the house and in the driveway my Dad was trying to manage things or something it's kind of vague but, I remember feeling right at that moment "I want to go live with Mom." The third one was we went to church(a different one our church had a partnership with). And I mouthed along to some of the lyrics in one of the songs in not an obvious but disrespectful manner(which I know 200% is wrong, I was being a smartass 14 year old). She then grabbed my arm tightly, yanked me real hard out of the pews and into the hall and scolded me pretty harshly and I remember feeling hurt and upset to the point of tears welling up and flipping her off and mouthing "f--- you" at her and then she was upset(I 200% understand I should not have done that but, I feel she overreacted and it made me feel like crap how she treated me at that moment). I was never a bad kid like one of those people that gets in fights, suspended, Juvenile Hall, all f's or whatever but, at times we butted heads and I tried my best to be respectful but, I admit when things weren't the greatest I could be a disrespectful adolescent. On another occasion in the 8th grade, she made a comment to me that it was my fault that her and my Dad were arguing more at the time. I don't know if that is bad or anything but, I guess maybe not the nicest thing to say to someone idk.
The first incident of where she got physical happened in my 11th grade year. My Dad was not home he was doing stuff with my two younger siblings. It was the day of a dance at school(forget what specifically). Later that day, she was going to take pictures with my sister(her other stepchild) and her friends in some fields or whatever. My sister had a friend over at the time and her room was across the living room from mine. I remember around 10:30 AM going upstairs to get a glass of water. I saw her in the kitchen and said "Hello, stepmom's name, how are you today?" to make friendly conversation. She then snapped at me in a harsh and angry tone. "I want you to go to the dance tonight." When she never said a word about it beforehand to me. I was like "Why did you not tell me this in advance like last week?" Not being a smart-ass or disrespectful but, just wondering and confused. Then she was like "I know you, HELLOIAM, I've known you since you were in kindergarten." I feel like she was having a bad day and deciding to take it out on me. I could tell she was just picking a fight to pick a fight if you have ever had people do that to you beforehand. We talked a little more then I said she didn't know me before kindergarten not in a disrespectful way but still dumbfounded and thinking like why are you just picking a fight with me for no reason? Then she walked away all "I can't believe you said that."
I remember being mad that she just picked a fight with me and what-not when I tried making friendly conversation and just wanted to get some water. While walking back down the stairs to my room, I muttered under my breath something I 150% should have NEVER said and is NOT O'K to say. I muttered that she was an f'n b----. I get in my room and close my door. I then hear her running upstairs and thinking "oooohhh snap." I then went to my door to block her from forcing her way in because my gut told me to(it did not have a lock). She tried 3x to force her way in then, the 4th time was able to push in and she grabbed my shoulders and I grabbed her arms because I felt like she was trying to choke me out based on the way her hands were positioned or something. She was all "I can't believe you said this and that" just going crazy in a rage like a bomb had gone off and we jostled back and forth a bit(I did not push back just, movements) then, she pushed me kind of hard onto my bed and shouted "YOU'RE STAYING WITH MOMMA!!!" and stormed up the stairs. I remember feeling scared and sitting on my bed for 15 minutes wondering what just happened.
Once the 15 minutes were up, I thought to myself that I did not feel safe there and I needed to leave. I got on my bike and rode the 20-minute bike ride over to my grandma's house(dad's mom) and told her what happened saying how I felt it was best I needed to stay there for a few weeks to let things cool off and how I didn't feel completely safe to go back. I was there for an hour and a half then my Dad showed up. He's pretty passive so based on his mannerisms and what-not at the time I honestly believed he did not care even though now I know he did. He said what happened and how my stepmom was at home crying about things. Then, he said you are coming home even though I explained to him how she reacted to me made me feel like it wasn't safe for me to be there and I was really nervous to go back home.
Once we got home it was right before dinner and me, Dad and stepmom had a conversation about what happened. Stepmom said that she was feeling suicidal and I told her "Please don't do it." trying to console her because I didn't want her to kill herself. We talked and she tried to deflect the conversation to this kid who bullied me in the 9th grade. I said I felt like she was trying to choke me out and she was like "I wasn't trying to choke you out HELLOIAM I just pushed you." Then I responded back in a normal tone of voice not being accusatory in my tone that I thought she was. Then, she started walking towards me in a moderate pace like she wanted to swing on me "what? what? whatchu' say HELLOIAM whatchu' say?" My Dad got in front of her and told her "Heeeeeey don't do that." Then, I apologized for calling her an f'n b, she told me it would take her a few days to apologize to me and that if something like that happened again i'd be sent back to my Mom's for the 12th grade and she then told me next time to "keep things in the family." But, at the same time she said she did not want things in the family to be like that. I remember eating dinner then going downstairs and listening to some Slipknot because I was pretty heated. I didn't tell my Mom until I was 19 because I didn't want to have to leave the school I attended and what-not. It was weird the next day going to church like nothing happened and then going to school on Monday as if nothing happened.
Eight days later, she came into my room and apologized to me for how she acted and that she was very sorry for having reacted that way towards me. I accepted her apology.
The second time was right after I started my 12th grade year of school. I was getting something to drink in the kitchen and my stepmom walked in and all of a sudden started going off "Whatchu' doin' HELLOIAM? Whatchu' doin'?" Kind of like mocking me for some reason like she was taking her bad day out on me. I then slammed the fridge door shut and she pushed me across the kitchen. Ten seconds later she apologized to me for that.
When I was 19, I failed out of the 1st college I went to then, I got my driver's license and went to be wit h my Mom because I was going to go to a school there where she lived. My Mom told me that my Dad sent her an e-mail where he admitted that at times, my stepmom had not treated me the best which I was told by my therapist was very mature and selfless of him to be able to do that. I.E. instances of verbal abuse, times when we wouldn't get along the best, etc...etc... She told me growing up she thought it was just typical stepparent/stepchild dynamic stuff but, didn't realize that at times it got beyond that and if she had known that she would've been more concerned. In the e-mail he told my Mom that throughout their marriage they had some issues that were solely in and of the marriage itself that would often times wind up blowing up on me even though I never had anything to do with it.
With all that said, I do honestly believe that she loved me growing up and wanted to do right by me and wanted the best for me. I believe that to this day she does care about me. We are not close but, she sometimes sends texts like "It was good to see you." "I'm sorry I forgot to say bye to you." "Happy Birthday." "Good luck with the new job." Stuff like that and I respond back in a civil manner. Anytime we are around each other we talk in a civil manner about stuff and she says "It's good to see you." And I do believe it is 100% genuine where she is happy to see me and not viewing me as an intrusion. I honestly feel that if something bad happened to me i.e. hit by drunk driver, killed, incarcerated, robbed at gunpoint that it would affect her and she'd feel upset about it. Not because "oh my husband is suffering." But, "My stepson, HELLOIAM is suffering."
One time I overheard an incident of her being verbally abusive towards my little sister i.e. my youngest half-sibling(her biological child). It was last year I was staying with them for a few months until I got a place to live/job/car and what-not which went fine. I was helping with dinner cutting up carrots or something and my stepmom took a bowl of grapes out and told her to not eat any yet because they had not been washed. My little sister went ahead and put one in her mouth. My stepmom snapped at her "You little shit! I told you not to eat any yet! They are not washed and I told you not to eat any yet and you just went ahead and put one in your mouth!" But, immediately afterwards apologized to her and I thought to myself that she had never apologized to me.
One of my friends theorized that at times if she was mad at my Dad about something that she'd take it out on me like I remind her of my Dad or something. idk. My dad's mom and my Mom both have told me that maybe she has some mental stuff or something that is undiagnosed idk. Both my Mom and Dad have told me that she feels guilt and bad over how things turned out and never wanted things to be bad. And I honestly believe that.
I do wish a lot that things went better. I feel guilt at times for when I could be disrespectful not bad but, normal teenage stuff even though I realize all teenagers get like that at times and it's a normal part of life. I realize she did a lot of good for me which I am grateful for but, at times, chose not to treat me the best which sadly kind of put a wall up. I guess I feel bad for how things went and wish things went better. She hasn't done this yet but, if she ever apologized to me in a letter it would make my whole day. I asked my Mom why she wouldn't and she said not all family cultures are like that where parents apologize to kids or whatever.
I guess I wonder what caused her to act certain ways towards me when she didn't treat me the best. It's weird because I never picked up vibes from her like she disliked, hated or resented me and i'm not stupid I can tell if someone feels that way towards me but, I never picked up vibes from her like that even when things weren't the greatest. I honestly believe she did the best she could even if at times it wasn't the greatest. My Mom has said sometimes people in difficult situations do not behave the best.
On several occasions, I have had civil, mature, adult conversations with my Dad about all of this. He admitted to me that looking back at times he could have done more to stand up for me and for not doing so that he was sorry. Another time I told him that when things weren't the greatest based on his mannerisms and how he is more so passive i.e. i've never once seen him mad, I honestly believed deep down that he did not care or give a crap about what I was going through even though nowadays I know he did. He told me that there were times where he was very upset and there were times where they had heated arguments and discussions though behind closed doors. I never got exposed to parents arguing/fighting/screaming/yelling at each other really growing up which I guess is a good thing. Recently, we talked again and he told me he feels bad about how things went and admits that going into it he could've done better planning and was pretty naive about how things were going to work. He has said that from time to time him and my stepmom will talk about how things went and he says that she feels bad about how things turned out but, gotta' move forward y'know. I don't want to talk about this stuff often with him though because I can tell he feels a LOT of guilt and regret over how things went and idk I guess I just don't want to keep opening up the past or something idk.
It's good to know he feels bad about how things went instead of having an "I don't care." attitude. I like the fact I can have civil conversations with him about this stuff instead of him gaslighting me/being in denial/telling me to suck it up, etc...etc... like other people's dads. I asked him recently if he had ever wound up marrying someone that abused his kids and/or treated us 2nd-class to her kids, let her kids bully us, made us do more chores, unfair treatment, etc...etc... if he would have stayed married to someone like that. He told me no that he would not stay married to someone like that if he had in an alternate reality married someone like that. My Mom told me that he is not clueless he would've never married somebody that hated his kids and/or didn't care for them. And, he is not a selfish or self-centered person so, she has told me that she cannot ever imagine him having wound up with someone who would be bad/be selfish/be self-centered and manipulative and childish.
I guess to sum it up, my stepmom tried the best she could even if at times she behaved poorly towards me. I understand though at times I did not act completely respectfully and I do feel some guilt about it though I understand most adolescents go through periods of not being respectful. My Mom has told me that plenty of people go through WAY worse with their biological parents than what I went through with my stepmom and that it's normal for people to have rough periods of times with parents. I guess I just wish things went better to where we'd be close, talk almost every day via text and what-not idk. Though, when she has treated me not the greatest, it did affect me and still kind of affects me to this day though i've gone to therapy a couple years ago. She basically raised me and i'm grateful for all the good things she did for me. But, at times, things weren't the best.
Sorry for ALL the paragraphs just tried to get it out the best I could.
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
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jml9dl
|
02/11/2020
| 12
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/jml9dl/i_feel_like_ive_lost_my_home/
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step child
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My parents divorced when i was around.. 6-8? I'm 16 now since oct.
I have a good relationship with my mom, and an okay one with my dad.
But, I spend all my time at my moms. Not because I hate my dad or anything, but I hate he girlfriend.
(Lemme ad this, that bitch broke the girl code hella hard, because she was friends with my mom, and she fucking..)
Shes changed everything. EVERYTHING! she keeps our dogs in the garage all day because she doesnt want the hair despite already covering the couches in plastic.
Rearranging, compulsive cleaning, strange food, ect.
Ever since my parents seperated ive hated change. Hell, the only room in that hose thats almost exactly the same is my room. The same pink and green bedding, covered in stuffed animals, a barbie mansion, horse toys, and a closet full of clothes that dont fit anymore.
But more than any of that, almost.. Is really music.
My dad used to play things like pinback, arcade fire, pink floyd, death cab for cutie, ect. All the time. But now its christian music. When i hear it from my room, I cry.
I really just wanted to post what I was gonna comment on a pinback video, but was too afraid my dad would see it.. So here it is..
I grew up with pin back. My dad played them on the big speakers in our living room, or on nights with a bonfire, in the garage with the fog machine and disco lights. Dancing around as a kid, sitting in a camping chair by the fire and throwing my old homework in at night in summer. I miss it. I really fucking do. I miss it more than anything in this world. I miss it as much as tricker treating, believing in Santa, and watching cartoons while sitting at a blue card table in a princess chair.
My dad isn’t dead. I just haven’t felt close to him in such a long, long time. The home that used to play music I loved, now plays the Christian station. Our couches covered in plastic, our bathroom always freshly cleaned with the lingering smell of bleach. All because of 1 person.
After my parents divorced, I still saw them both often. Going back and forth after school.. my dad kept the house. I never minded what changed at my moms house, because it would always be my second home, not where I grew up. There weren’t precious memories embedded in every scribble in the door frames, or the paint color of the bathroom, or even what color the curtains were.
In the house full of memories, where even a different couch distressed me, she changed EVERYTHING. The kitchen that i used to be able to navigate like the back of my hand, now was confusing, and full of foods I hated. The fridge full of root beer now had soy milk. The pantry with raisins and brownies now had rice crackers and raw sugar. All the plates that I can remember clearly, the plastic straw cereal bowls, thrown out as if they had no meaning to anyone! My only safe place in that house now is my own room, full of childish wall stickers, a doll house, pink, yellow and green. Even the carpet covered in paint stains. I refuse to change it in any way. Because that’s all I have left. It will never be the same again. She ruined it. That bitch.
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
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hmifh4
|
06/07/2020
| 12
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https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/hmifh4/i_hate_my_dads_wife/
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step child
|
I guess I should start with the basics. My dad's been married 3 times. This is his third wife, I met her when I was 20 I'm now 22. As part of my financial constraints and the fact that my grandmother is declining in health. I live with them as well as my older Special needs brother to provide care when I'm not working.
Anyways my dad's wife always makes these irritating comments about what I'm doing accompishments wise like she's talking to a toddler. And OH MY GOD i can't stand it.
I'm not an idiot, and while I may not make the wisest decisions I know what I need to do and I don't need you patting my back like I'm a toddler learning to use the potty.
I guess cause she doesn't really talk with her kids she feels the need to get into my business but I've told my dad I want her to leave me the hell alone as is and she just won't.
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
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hicn1r
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30/06/2020
| 6
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https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/hicn1r/should_i_have_my_own_privacy/
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step child
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Some backstory on the story I’m gonna tell this time
I had just gotten home from spending the night at my aunts house. I wanted to take a shower so I did. I finished my shower and went to my room I heard my Step father, Dave come home from work I didn’t think much of it until I heard him call for my mom. My mom was out shopping with my aunt but he didn’t know that, and my brother wasn’t around to tell him
I heard Dave calling into different rooms ( rooms with the doors already open)
My door was the only one closed so I thought he would know to knock but I was wrong
As I started taking off my towel he opened the door and he saw me naked.
He just closed the door and didn’t say anything
When my mom finally got home I told her that he didn’t knock even though my mom has told him that he especially had to knock on my door.
Now that I have that out the way I can say what I really have to say
My mom just told me now that when I take a shower I have to change in the bathroom instead of my room since my door doesn’t lock and the bathrooms door does ( but my door is pretty hard to open sometimes)
So I really don’t know if I’m the one that’s over reacting to this whole thing
Is this fair?
Should my SD not learn to knock on my door?
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
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h8metx
|
14/06/2020
| 10
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/h8metx/stepmoms_suck/
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step child
|
My step mom doesn't make her kids do ANYTHING seriously she will make fusses about me being historical because I don't do enough around the house saying it's my house I don't even want to be there I wish that she wasn't so entitled to every thing like my dad asked her to talk to one of her kids because she made a mess and refused to pick it up (HE cleans the house) and she started making a big fuss about things like me being historical (I have low a1c wich brings my blood sugar down quickly) but won't let me have protein to bring it up she also makes will call it a problem if I DEFEND MYSELF her child has kicked me for ten minutes straight and pushed me down stair but no me having problems with my blood sugar is HORRIBLEu she forced me and my brothers to sleep in the basement and complains about it and everytime her depressed daughter say something suicidal she is punished but the one daughter that steals things and is a criminal is her favorite probably because she gets attention for her daughter she also hire people for a company and dosen't hire asians (she said it herself) to say more she even uses my low a1c so my blood sugar goes down and I act irrational so she uses that against me
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
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gy50qd
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07/06/2020
| 9
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https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/gy50qd/my_step_dad_refers_to_my_mom_as_his_wife_when/
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step child
|
I’m always really confused and uncomfortable when my step dad talks about my mom to my siblings and I referring to her as “his wife”.
An example would be this:
Me: “hey what’s up! You guys do anything fun this last weekend?”
Him: “Me and MY WIFE went on a beautiful hike and had a wonderful dinner at this fancy steakhouse.”
Anytime he talks about her he has to throw it in. So why do you guys think he does this? It’s weird AF.
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
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gw8c18
|
04/06/2020
| 4
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https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/gw8c18/should_i_intervene_in_my_mom_and_her_bf_arguing/
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step child
|
My mom recently met this guy who was at first super nice asked her to marry and even asked for my permission to marry her and still is nice occasionally. The past couple days I’ve heard from my mom that he thinks I do things half ass and am I lazy person, when I heard that I was like “oh okay whatever as long as you’re not a dick.” Then the craziest thing happened, he started becoming a dick to my mom and is called her a dumba**, idiot, n****er, and telling her all sorts of other things like to shut up and ordering her to get out of her own bedroom. I’m 17 so it’s not tripping me out too much and I’m not gonna have any life changing issues due to this but my 7 year old sister is hearing every single one of these argument play out every day which I don’t think she should have to listen to. Anyways today they were arguing in the living room and I was outside with my sister but even the neighbors could hear them yelling so I went in their and kinda just stared at them, but my mom got super pissed I was there and yelled and me and told me to get out and I made the situation worse. After I left, her boyfriend left and I guess now it’s my fault that he left. I don’t know, did I do the right thing or should I have just stayed outside?
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
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gvb1ai
|
02/06/2020
| 4
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/gvb1ai/my_stepmom_the_tyrant/
|
step child
|
So my stepmom, who has a super typical bitchy name so we’ll call her Karen, is a FedEx driver who recently got a route that goes into my moms neighborhood. I live with my mom and we live in a super backwoods country neighborhood that’s on a private road and all of the houses are like a half mile to a mile apart from one another. I was disowned by my biological father in January of 2019, that’s a long story but Karen was the main reason for the disowning. So I haven’t talked to either of them in over a year, she got the new route right around the start of my states stay at home order. I’m in college so I’m not usually at home but due to Corona I’m stuck at home since my campus is closed.
The last few weeks, since it warmed up, I’ve been doing a lot of outside work. Mowing the lawn, gardening, taking the dog for a walk, and tanning. That kind of stuff. Well, she started to notice I was outside but because she isn’t allowed to talk to me (I threatened to file some charges against her, whole legal mess) she’s taken to honking her horn at me every time she passes by. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t go outside between 1-3pm everyday and if I see a FedEx truck coming anytime before or after that time I book it inside. I’m not going to press charges or anything for the honking, because she’s just being an asshole and a tyrant, but it’s really annoying booking it inside everyday. My older sister, who they still talk to, tried telling her to stop but she won’t listen.
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
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gu3ibf
| null | 1
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/gu3ibf/my_stepdad_is_a_man_child/
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step child
|
This is one of many stories of my step dad Dave. Dave expects my mom to do a lot of things for him. He expects her to pick out his clothes while he takes a shower to bring him snacks while he’s playing video games and expects her to pick up his clothes. My mom is pregnant with his child and he still expects her to do things for him even after she’s done working. ( she works from home now) one time my mom and I had to go somewhere she didn’t have time to drop me off at home so she took me with her( before corona and we still had to go to school)
My mom asked Dave to cook for the family so the family could eat when we got home. We got home around 8 really hungry and excited to eat. But when we got there he didn’t finish cooking at all. He didn’t finish cooking because he was in the middle of a game and excepted her to finish up the cooking. My mom was furious at that and went to her room. The next day he came home with a card and little shoes ( for the baby) the card said
“We need to stay strong for the baby”
And she forgave him. He’s using the baby to try to get sympathy he just really pisses me off. He does bare minimum in the house but when u forget to put up dishes he complains. I just hope when my mom gives birth to my little sister I hope he doesn’t expect to take over and start making snacks for him or even worse make my mom still do all those stuff while she’s busy with my little sister.
You guys might start to see me a lot more with more stories about Dave
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
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gt82aq
|
30/05/2020
| 4
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/gt82aq/my_stepmother_makes_me_feel_uncomfortable_but_i/
|
step child
|
This is something that has been bothering me recently, I never really felt like it was an issue before but my stepmother is kinda uncomfortable to be around now and I’m not sure why.
I lived with my mom and recently moved in with my dad and stepmother.
My parents have been divorced my entire life, I’ve never really thought much of it since it was what I grew up in, but when I was 6 my dad introduced me and my little brother to my stepmother as his girlfriend and I just shrugged it off and adapted to it pretty quickly to be honest.
But after 7 years I began to find it uncomfortable to be around her, I literally had no issues being around her before but I don’t know why it suddenly changed.
My little brother never really liked her and that was never a secret, but now that he rants about her to me I kinda don’t defend her anymore. I don’t know why and I feel horrible.
My dad and my stepmother like each other and I’m happy for him and all since she’s nice but I really never can open up to her anymore for some reason. I can open up to both of them if they are together but if I’m left alone with her I just can’t talk to her at all.
I just try to make small talk with her and I feel extremely uncomfortable with her, and she makes it awkward at times bringing up random things that sometimes doesn’t make sense.
I just want to get along with her but I’m scared of hurting her feelings if I say something. She can’t read the mood of the room or interpret people’s emotions so I’m not sure if she knows or not. She’s sensitive so I’m really scared of hurting her feelings, but I want to feel comfortable around her again...
I really want to get along with her but I just don’t know how.
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
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grtn9p
|
27/05/2020
| 2
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/grtn9p/i_cant_stand_my_step_father/
|
step child
|
I absolutely cannot stand my step father he is so rude and disgusting towards me he’s family isn’t any better either ( not all of them were horrible just some of them)
A little background on him we will just call him Dave. Dave married my mom when I was 3 and they had my brother let’s call him Jim. When he was born I was already starting to get kicked out the picture
I started to get older he started to talk to me rudely and when I would say something back with no attitude I would get in trouble. I’m gonna name a few things he’s done that messed up either me or my family
- we were forced to move to Mexico because he was deported I won’t lie and say it was horrible living there because I met his grandma who I deeply cared for
- when we came back my mom had to start over with her credit and was in a lot of debt
- accuses me of doing things I didn’t do
- punishes me for “talking back”
- always tries to play the victim
- makes fun of me in front of my mom and she doesn’t do anything either she just laughs so I’m very self conscious
- will bring up his dead grandma( the one I was very close to) just to see me cry because he knows I was very close to her and her death hit me the most
- doesn’t do anything in the house and except me and mom to do it because we are women and that’s what we are supposed to do and not be lazy(which I’m not) while him and Jim play on their Xbox/PC doing nothing in the house.
And that’s just to name a few I have a lot of stories to tell about this person. I would usually cry myself to sleep because sometimes it’s too much for me. I started to count the years for how long I would have till I can move out since I was 5.
He is absolutely the worst once I move out I won’t come back
I might post some stories about this jerk but I’m able to get through all of this because of my friends so I’m not as depressed as I was before
Just tell me what you think about Him
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
|
ghoxug
|
11/05/2020
| 5
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/ghoxug/has_anyone_grown_apart_from_their_stepparent/
|
step child
|
Warning, long story ahead.
so basically my father left my family when I was a baby and I was raised by grandparents when my mom left for America to find work. I reconnected with her later as a child and found out she found another man who is to be my stepfather. He has one son with my mom and he and I are really close to the point where I never made a distinction that he is my half brother.
But with my stepdad, things feel a little strange to me. After an awkward feeling out phase he began treating me like a son and being an overall supportive dad. There were times I even felt he liked me more than his own son because I would go on to embody traits he wished my brother would. And everything was great to the point where I started calling him dad.
But now as an adult things aren’t quite the same. I used to look up to him as he wasn’t highly educated but read a lot so he knew quite a bit and was always able to answer my questions and teach me things. Now I never take him seriously anymore and he tries to teach me things and I just roll my eyes because he just parrots common myths, stereotypes, or extreme political talking points. Basically I don’t respect him as a dad anymore.
And to top it off, he no longer feels like my dad and it retroactively feels like I never did. I saw a show about a boy who tracked down his father across the world and in a climactic scene he confronted him and told him all the pain he had from waiting for his dad, how his stepdad could never fill the role because he felt more like his moms boyfriend than a dad, and the biological father later commented that the boy could not relate to a stepfather of a different race than him. Idk why but that scene really resonated with me to the point where I actually shed a few tears.
I felt like a wimp afterwards but I really started examining why I would feel that way. Does this mean I don’t accept my stepdad as my own father? Am I just ungrateful and shitty person for rejecting a man who tried to be my dad? I feel so guilty that this man has tried his best and I no longer accept him as my dad. I still catch myself saying things like I don’t have a dad or how I grew up without a dad. When it’s obvious my stepdad was there.
Tl;dr: stepdad did his best to be my dad and it worked when I was a child but as an adult I don’t think of him as my dad and lost the connection, am I just ungrateful or is this a common occurrence with step parents?
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
|
ggaxaw
|
09/05/2020
| 4
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/ggaxaw/my_stepmom_and_i_fight_often_and_then_she_tattles/
|
step child
|
i deeply dislike my stepmom and every time we come to blows, she tattles on me to my dad and makes him come to talk to me. my parents didnt divorce, my mom died and then my dad remarried later. my mom was always sick and often in the hospital so i was always very close to my father and while i loved my mom dearly, i didnt have the same mom figure others had. so when my dad remarried to a woman who was the polar opposite of my mom, there was a lot of resentment on my part because she tried very hard to be a “mom” as if she pitied the fact that i didnt have one. her style of parenting was also hugely different; much more controlling and aggressive while my parents had always treated me like a mini-adult with freedom. it made me uncomfortable and eventually just turned to dislike because no matter what i did she could not see me as a person but just someone meant to listen. we came to blows often when i was a teen but i tried to let it go because i care about my dad. but its been years and now im an adult (21) and due to covid-19, we’re all stuck in the house and the fights keep happening more and more. and they’re about dumb things (like i do a lot of sewing so i try to keep our cat out of my room for her own safety and for my stuff to not get messed with but she always barges in and leaves the door open and lets her in) and she gets mad when im upset but every time she just yells at me, then yells and complains to my dad about me (in hearing distance) and he comes to talk to me like the next day and basically tells me to just always do whatever she says. hes very not into conflict and it stresses him out when we fight so i feel bad but im also so frustrated that we cant even talk like adults and she has to go tell on me??? and that my dad just willingly always defends it even when he thinks the rule is stupid to avoid conflict. i just dont know how to like make a compromise because at this point i just dont even wanna be in the house i feel like im in a strangers home and i feel very upset with the fact that my dad just bends to her. i dont wanna seem like a brat but i also dont think asking for basic respect from my stepmom is unreasonable.
tldr; my stepmom and i fight, she yells at me and then complains to my dad who tells me to just do what she says all the time.
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
|
g8r8zl
|
27/04/2020
| 5
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/g8r8zl/stepfather_reads_my_texts/
|
step child
|
My whole family shares an Apple ID and I guess through that, there’s an option called send and receive. Basically you can choose any of the different phone numbers attached to your account to send and receive texts from that particular device. My stepfather has turned on this feature for me and all of my brothers and has been reading my texts for months. I suspected this for a while but it was confirmed a couple weeks ago when he brought up specific details from a groupchat I’m in. He didn’t even deny it.
I don’t even know what to do because I can’t tell my mom. I only found out when I got in trouble for something else which my stepfather has for some reason decided not to tell my mother about as a “favor” as if that does me any good.
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
|
frckcx
|
29/03/2020
| 4
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/frckcx/crazy_stepmom_hides_dads_hospitalization/
|
step child
|
Ok so this has just been happening in the past week and I'm still trying to collect my thoughts about this crazy bitch.
Sorry if there's grammar mistakes, english is not my first language and I'm on mobile.
So for context, my mom and dad divorced 8 years ago, he's been together with this lady for 7. Only my brother has been able to get along with her, since neither me or my sister take the flag she tries to throw at us every time we meet.
We've always joked about how she'd most likely not info us if our dad died.
Oh how right we were.
Our dad is very socially awkward, so we very rarely are in contact with him even tho we all love each other very much and get along super well. He also hates bothering people with his own problems, so him not contacting us himself in the first place is very normal.
To get to the actual story, last tuesday my dads sister called us to tell that our dad had been in the hospital for the past 3 days, and that they were moving him to another hospital for the intensive care unit because he was super delirious and had a very serious case of pancreatitis.
We ofc started asking why no one had told us before and she said she didn't know about it and called us as soon as she saw his facebook post from the night before (none of us are his friends there) She had also called my stepmom to ask if she had informed us about this. SM said no, that why would she??
At this point we were all furious, there was a very high chance of death and we wouldn't have known unless our aunt who isn't even in contact with my dad or any of us normally wouldn't have called. Like I mentioned before, my brother get's along with SM and has been to their place often, where as I had only been there 3 times in 7 years and my sister 0 times so there was no reason for her not to at least contact my brother.
Anyways as days went by dad was very slowly getting better, we called twice a day to ask how he's been etc. And so had SM. She started spreading false info about his conditions to my dads family about how his body was slowly destroying itself, while the doctors and my dad both told us that he was doing a lot better.
SM also started calling my aunt asking why we were calling there, franctically asking what we knew and demanding to knoe why were we bothering my dad and the doctors when she was already taking care of the calling. She never contacted us. Not at any point.
This bitch was flipping and acting like we're some strangers bothering them, when actually she's the one who's doing everything to bother and mess with our families. Acting jealous when we only cared for our dad's health not her bs.
This whole thing is still going on as my dad is still in the intensive care unit, but now apparently no one in my dads side of the family actually believe anything she's saying and my dads brother even called my sis today to tell her how much he hates the bitch.
She's always been a crazy bitch and this has only proved a point of how crazy she actually is. I'd love to tell other stories about her if people are interested. They're not as crazy but still show you how much of an asshole she is.
I'll update if she pulls more bullshit!
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
|
f1lg2z
|
10/02/2020
| 35
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/f1lg2z/i_need_of_advice_from_a_stepdadolder_stepkids/
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step child
|
_My friggin post got removed from stepparents even though i specifically needed advice FROM stepparents, not stepchildren, but i guess im forced to post it here anyways._
SD=stepdad
M=my Mom
Me=Me
M and her boyfriend have been together for almost six years. They aren’t married because my parents aren’t officially divorced yet, but I still refer to her boyfriend as my SD because it’s easier to tell people than “my mom’s longterm boyfriend who lives with us.”
So, in short, my SD is an asshole. He was ok at first, but as I’ve gotten older he has been treating me worse and worse. He treats me like I have zero brain cells, like I don’t know anything, and he’s somehow gotten M to tag along with this behavior.
I will admit & be the first to say im no angel. When he starts with me ive fought back, yelled at him, cried, etc. however it’s worth mentioning that i never did anything to him to start with unless he provokes me.
He seems to think that in order to teach me about life he needs to make me look and feel like i know nothing. Instead of giving me good advice and being friendly he just laughs and shakes his head and comments about how i “have a lot to learn.” And not in the kind, joking dad way either.
My mother wants me to respect him, but i simply cant respect someone who is so rude to me. He does buy groceries, makes dinner, and would “do anything for me.” He can do all of this stuff but still not be kind towards me? During a visitation with my father she bared her teeth at me while saying that i have to “respect the man, even if hes not nice to you.” I said “No! Why should I respect some who cant even be nice to me?!” And my mom just said something stupid like “You have to” or whatever.
What should i do? I try to keep quiet and stay in my room to avoid confrontation but then my mom gets mad at me for staying up there. It almost feels like she’s trying to set me up to fight him just to prove that im a bad daughter and a bad person.
There are so many examples of him making me feel bad about myself and indirectly isolating me that i cant possibly list them all here. He’s gotten my mom & sister to gang up on me multiple times as well.
Advice needed and thanks in advanced :)
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
|
f04yje
|
07/02/2020
| 3
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/f04yje/my_stepfather_intimidates_me_ive_known_him_since/
|
step child
|
My stepfather had been in my life since I was a baby. He is the father of my little brothers and I care deeply for him.
He is 6 feet, has a resting mean/bitch face, speaks little English, and is very quiet.
He intimidates me..... But he's good! He is very caring and helpful, and often gives me cash and treats me like his own child, which I am grateful for.
It's just being in his PRESENCE that has me shutting down. Like, he doesnt mean it but bro. If you've seen him, you'd think he hates you with every fiber in his being when in reality he's just thinking about work or something.
All in all, my stepfather is a cool guy and I am glad to have him in my life. But I just wanna know if there is any possible way to NOT be intimidated by him?
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
|
edohuz
|
21/12/2019
| 5
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/edohuz/vent_dont_introduce_yourself_as_my_mom/
|
step child
|
My stepmother introduced herself to someone as my mom. I was raised with joint custody and I'm still on good terms with my BM and her family. I've never corrected people in the past when they refer to her as my mom, and I've tried to be a good daughter, and I didn't even correct her when she introduced herself, this just feels disrespectful.
I get that it's hard and socially awkward to be in a blended family. I get that introducing yourself as someone's stepmother could lead people to speculate about family drama. But that's what you sign up for when you marry someone with a kid. Jesus.
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
|
e8kb2b
|
10/12/2019
| 1
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/e8kb2b/im_worried/
|
step child
|
Ok so my mom and step dad are going on a cruise next week. So I'm going to be staying with my dad and step mom for a week
Now i love my dad but my step mom is the type of woman to complain about everything .
So I'm trying to figure out how to hold my tounge next week.
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
|
dhp0kh
|
14/10/2019
| 6
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/dhp0kh/im_not_sure_what_to_do_about_my_stepmom/
|
step child
|
Ok. So I'm a 16 year old female and my step mom came into my life about two years after my parents split. I liked her at first but now I can't get along with her.
She badmouths her own sons ,co-workers and sometimes my grandma when she was alive. but not as often as she bashes her oldest son who's 31 and travels around our country alot. He's a free spirit as I think of it . But she thinks he's a bit crazy
Along with that one time I drew a bloody machete since I loved the Friday the 13th movies and she told me that's how people become killers
Edit - She's also jealous of me
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
|
dbur5a
|
01/10/2019
| 5
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/dbur5a/i_just_cant_keep_this_to_myself_anymore/
|
step child
|
My mom and dad separated when I was really young because of my grandmother on my dad's side, so before my dad left with my younger brother I have never seen my parents argue once, so I didn't even realized that they've already divorced when my dad and my brother left.
My mom started seeing other men a few months after that, I didn't know my mom was dating since my kiddie brain only assumed they're just friends. I never really questioned it when I noticed she stopped bringing them around which I realized the reason why a few years later.
So then my mom brought this one dude when I was about 10, again I thought he's just one of her friends. And just like with the other guys, I tried to be as polite and nice as I can be since I didn't want to be rude with my mom's friend. I found out one day though that he was a married man with children (apparently) when I saw the picture of him hugging his kid as the lockscreen on his phone. I remembered he and my mom at that time were a bit nervous when they saw me finding out about that picture, asking me if i'm okay with it. Since I never realized my parents were divorced, and add to the fact that I thought he and my mom were just friends, I was confused because why wouldn't I be okay with it? Shouldn't this be normal? As much as I love my mom, I could never support her for dating a married man when I was old enough to realise why they were nervous at that time.
At first the man was nice and gave me attention that made me felt liked by him (my self esteem was low back then), so I was excited whenever I hear that he was going to visit. He played games with me and pulled pranks that had been unpleasant to me when I was young but I'm never angry at him for it because I know he didn't do it to be mean. My mom tried asking me if I want another dad, I said no because I didn't need another dad since I still have my real dad. So my mom tried to get me to call the man with another name because she didn't want me to call him my uncle, the nickname roughly translates into 'Uncle dad' and I liked him enough to start calling him that.
Sometimes, if not all the time, he would take my mom to our bedroom and locked it, I always had to spend my time in the living room watching TV or just doing my homework. I always thought it was odd, because he and my mom never allowed me in the room unless they opened the door themselves. If I have to guess now, they were probably doing the nasty all these times and I never noticed.
I've already forgotten why, but the first time he had been upset at me he didn't hesitate to yell at me, something I never thought he would do when he seemed so nice. My mom was crying and I only wanted it to stop so I was scared to talk back at him, the only thing I could do was cry which made him yelled louder. And that was when he told me that I should have went with my dad when he left me and my mom.
Probably a month later, he and I got back on good terms, sorta, only because my mom had asked me to be friendly with him, but at this point I don't think I could like him as much as I did at the beginning. The second time he was upset at me that he had to yell, was when he and my mom left the bedroom to go to the kitchen. I only wanted to play a joke on them, by crouching behind the curtains inside the bedroom to spook them when they come back. And when they DID come back, turns out they already know I'm in there because as soon as I heard them coming in the man went up to my hiding spot and sat on my head. I asked him to stop because his weight was crushing my neck (He was two times my weight), except he only laughed and kept sitting on my head while my mom teased me for hiding there. I practically begged him to stop because it wasn't funny anymore, and he just kept going. When he did let me go, I immediately ran out of the bedroom and threw a tantrum. I angry at both him and my mom, but the only thing I did was making a face at them and ignoring the man when he called out to me. So I was surprised when the man began yelling at me again, saying I was a brat for not taking a joke. This time he was more angrier and I've never been more scared in my life, all I could do was cry and again it only made him more mad. My mom cried and begged him to stop, the man responded by yelling at her too and then punched the bathroom door (made out of plastic) before taking his stuff and left. Me and my mom had to shower with a gaping hole in the door for weeks before having it replaced with a new one.
By now, I was scared whenever I hear that he's visiting. I started locking myself in the second bedroom whenever he does. The third time, probably more than a year later, I was babysitting my cousins in the living room while the man and my mom locked themselves in the bedroom again. My mom had bought me chewing gums as snacks and I shared it with my cousins. I was like 13 at that time, and still a pretty stupid kid, my mom used to tell me that if you swallow a chewing gum you'll die just to scare me into spitting it out, so me and my cousins always believed it *(Pro tip for parents out there: just say swallowing chewing gums is bad for your stomach, don't say they're gonna die)*. So when one of my cousin starts crying because she accidentally swallowed the gum, of course I panicked, I banged on the bedroom door to get my mom because I thought it was an emergency. When my mom came out and found out about the situation she told me that my cousin was fine, and no one was gonna die. When the man figured out what happened though, he became angry again, screamed at me, saying that I was the one who made everyone panic, I scared my cousin into thinking she was going to die (even though she cried before I noticed she had swallowed it), and that I'm the one at fault. And of course, this made me cried again because I really didn't know what I did wrong to make him angry. It made me feel worthless, it made me felt like a burden to everyone. My mom came over from the bedroom to comfort me a little once my cousins calmed down but it really didn't do much, all I could think was my mom must have liked the man more than she liked me. Other than yelling and getting angry at me and my mom though, he also did something he should not have done to a pubescent teenager, it involved something sexual but I'm going to say anything more than that, all I can say is that I noticed that he was actually more scummy than I thought.
The man never really apologized, and it was from that day onward I started to hate him. I became less friendly, stopped talking to him (other then hellos and goodbyes), and happily spend my time locked in my own room now that I have my own laptop to play with.
This goes on until I was 16, the man does not visit as often as he used to and I was happy about that, I even wanted to celebrate when I found out they had broken up, months before me and my mom moved to another house. I never heard from him ever since.
But that doesn't mean she stopped trying to date, now that I was finally old enough to see what the true nature of their relationship was. But ever since 'Uncle dad' though, I could never see myself getting attached to another guy that wanted to date my mom. I'm pretty much traumatized into thinking that relationships are the worst and all the guys that tried to pursue a relationship with my mom are all scums.
Which is the reason why I made this long post, there's currently another man is trying to date my mom. My mom would trick me to go outside to meet him and he would (desperately) try to win my favor by offering to buy me lots of food and snacks. She leaves me and the guy alone to get to know each other but I want nothing but to tell him to leave me and my mom alone. He's not acting different than any of the guys so far so I'm not convinced he's any better. I hate that he thinks he's good enough for my mom just by getting on my good side. I hate that my mom thinks I can accept just about anyone as a father figure. But I can't just tell my mom to break it off so I'm frustrated. I don't know what to do. I just want her to stop trying to see other men.
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
|
d72efh
|
20/09/2019
| 6
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/d72efh/resentment_that_i_cannot_help/
|
step child
|
My step mom and my dad have been together for more than half of my life and yet I still feel a deep hatred for her even though I do not want to.
My dad and mother split when I was about 3 and when I was 8 my step mom and my dad got together and have been together ever since. She’s has been there for me like I’m her own child yet I still have this hatred for her deep down inside that I cannot get over. I have these thoughts that she’s the one who ruined my family (even though it is not true) and that she’s the reason I have the mental health problems that I have. I want to let go of this feeling but it is something I just cannot shake. She has been there for me in my most desperate times and she is so good to my brother and I. She says all the time how she loves us like her own and that she would do anything for us. She has been more of a mother than my own mom has been (I haven’t seen my bio mom in 10 years) but I still feel like i hate her. Has anyone else felt this/still feels this about their step parents?
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
|
ckpbm9
|
01/08/2019
| 13
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/ckpbm9/my_stepfather_really_mixed_feelings/
|
step child
|
My mum and real dad split up when I was young. It has nothing to do with my step dad btw. And when I was young I was a pretty bad kid when I met my step father.
But times went on and I really began to grow attached to him. He's been there more than my actual father, and has brought really good memories he still does now but it isn't the same.
When my mom decided to move out of my grandparents house and to move Into a new townhouse that HER name is under I can't help but to not take his shit anymore. It used to be that we would argue about stupid stuff and I'd get over it. What he does in a argument is that he'd say something like "you don't do anything" and stuff. I confront him and say I do. Then all I hear is
"shut the fuck up" and by then I'm pissed. Then he brings it back up and when I tell him to stop or something else he'll be like "shut up before I come over there and ______"
Usually I blast music in my headphones or just leave the house/go upstairs and call my mom when she isn't home.
Now personally I cannot live without my mother she's defended me and she also pays bills and she is just that independent person. I look up to her and my grandfather. Sometimes when my stepfather and I argue and when he's in the wrong or after it's over. Her and him would argue about how they treat me. My mom tells at me when nessasary.
There are a few stories that I can tell also.
My stepfather wears lots of clothes of mine
(I'm 5'11 & 1/2) one time when I told him he couldn't wear my clothes and that he has his own he'd get triggered. Then he'd continue to take my clothes and wear them. Or he says "I'll remember that" which in my opinion I he's the adult. I'm 15 he's 38 why do I have to let him have MY stuff. I did give him some shirts but only because I don't fit them anymore. I still have some lost shirts/hats and when I ask for them he's fine. It's when I tell him he can't have them that's when he gets upset..
Another time is when we where fighting about lemonade
(Yes lemonade) one night, once again he starts the threat's and nonsense. I put the lemonade back and just go upstairs. Once again I'm 15 and the "ADULT" here is acting like a child and threatening over lemonade.
And another time once again this scenario has to do with my age. He started getting on me about getting a job. Despite the job I want you have to be at least 15 and a half. And I told him I'll get one during spring. This summer will be my last true summer break. He then kept bringing it back up and I told my mom to crank up the raido in the car. After that he went on about it when we were at parked at a friend's house. I told my mom finally to tell him to stop. And she did but he then got mad at her and threatened me saying I'm going to be tasteing blood soon" and that "he will beat the shit outta me and my dad". At that point I got out of the car. And said I'll walk home or you can drop him off. After that though he said he's sorry. I just said I don't wanna talk to him. I walked upstairs and went to my room.
Alot of these things have been building up my anger. Especially the fact that my little sister (she's 10) can say no and sometimes ignores them. My stepfather just says nothing or says "you better stop" something like that. When my mom has to actually punish her.
One argument in thanks giving was when he was bragging about how he can beat anyone up. I was tired of his shit and told him that I could get my dad or someone else to beat him up, and that if that happens I'd hope to be able to see it. It escalated so much that I was punching the stairs and walls around the house. I want outside and ignored my mom who told me to come back inside. And I went upstairs and cried honestly.
But now it seems like he's just trying to start things. He talks about how he's "dominant" and how "I'm not tough" and how he can beat the shit outta me. Just stupid nonsense
"shut the fuck up"
"you better watch your mouth"
"You do nothing around here"
"I WORK"
"Where's your dad?"
"Lazy"
"Little asshole"
At time once again my mom would explain that I do do things around here and he'd get mad and say that she should stop defending me. In my opinion k feel if I told people his actions and what he does he'd probably be in jail/people would be pissed, and he doesn't understand that. I could tell anyone anything but out of love for my mom and sister and a bit of love for him I'd let it go
What happened to this step son step dad was like a good one when I was younger. But now a love/hate relationship. More on the hate side for me. I sometimes just start having episodes when I sit there and think of arguments and get myself angry. Resorting to watching fight videos of stepparents. Or even when I look at him I can get angry. It also makes me sad though that I think of him that way. He can "love" me all he wants as a step father. But I just can't look at him the same. I'll talk to him and well laugh at videos and stuff and have good times but it isn't the same. I will respect him as an adult and a human being. But as a man and a person. I just don't know anymore but as they say, things change... I'm not like others when I'm always down in the dumps but like I said I really have mixed feelings about my stepfather now.
I will never wish death on him. I will never wish bad luck on anyone I will never wish anything bad on anybody. And I'm going to feel bad for making this in the future but at the same time I will be glad to see your responses.
(Im sorry if this didn't make sense or if grammar is off)
Have a good day and stay safe!
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
|
cgmlgw
|
23/07/2019
| 6
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/cgmlgw/stepmonster_from_hell/
|
step child
|
My stepmother is the perfect example of a wicked witch. My parents divorced when I was a just over a year old, and both were remarried by the time I was 3. While I love my stepfather, he's more of a dad than my actual dad and referred to as dad when I talk about him, I really can't say the same for my stepmother. For starters, my sister and I weren't allowed at their wedding but her three monster children were all in the wedding party. I was a toddler when they married but it always hurt when they'd pull out the wedding photo album and they'd (my biofather and stepmom) would coo and gush over how wonderful her children were in the wedding. She's also always picked fights with my sister, who was several mental conditions and anger issues, and it seems like she picks these fights as if she is trying to get her locked up in a mental hold.
Another issue I've always had is that is constantly trying to one-up my mother, who is the most amazing woman because she bounced back from a marriage filled with abuse and cheating (my biodad has several children that were born during their marriage and mentally abused almost everyone in the family). From dying her hair the same color as my moms (creepy!) to trying to act like a mother to my little sister (who is from my moms remarriage) and all the way to trying to buy my older sister and I's love. But at the same time that she was doing all of this she was spewing hate and saying horrible things about my mom and dad.
But, I haven't talked to both my stepmother and my biodad since the end of January of this year because of a text message she sent me. I'm in college and needed like $20 for grocery money, which doesn't seem so bad because they give my stepsiblings (who are in their upper 20s and early to mid 30s) hundreds of dollars each month that usually goes to drugs and alcohol. They transferred $25 into my bank account, which I planned to pay them back on with my next paycheck; but later that night my stepmother sent me a nasty text. In this text she insinuated that I was greedy and going to use the money for junk food and that I was nothing more than a greedy little gremlin who doesn't work for anything (by the way, I'm a full time student working 20 to 30 hours a week at an on campus job. When this happened it was after the winter break and I hadn't been paid in over a month due to how the system works). I was cooking dinner when she texted me, with the groceries I bought using the money they'd sent me, and I had to stop cooking because I was crying so hard in the kitchen of my dorm building and couldn't see the pierogis that I was trying to cook.
These are only a few of my stepmonster from hell stories, but they're some of the biggest ones that have affected me the most in life.
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
|
byscmp
|
10/06/2019
| 5
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/byscmp/stepmomster/
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step child
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So my mom and dad broke up when I was 8 but made sure to divide my sister and my time with them during the week. Around age 11 my dad started dating this woman we'll call her CF (control freak). SO... my dad and CF started dating and for the most part I liked her. She cooked us nice meals, and was kinda funny and sweet from what I could tell. My dad decided to buy a brand new house two freeway exits from her. My mom (dropping us off for his time that week) saw his new place and listened to him show off how much he has grown. She had tears of joy and said she wished he'd got it together while they were married. He then thought, "what if we got back together. After all we aren't divorced just separated." My mom agreed and my dad got my sister and I in the car to go to CF's house and end the relationship. At the time I was too young to be left alone (in my parents opinion) and my older sister has mild cerebral palsy and my mom went to her house to pack. I just remember sitting in the hot car waiting for the breakup to be over and done with. It felt like hours before he came out with a black trash bag of his things. He told us he told her "My girls need their mother." At the time I felt like that was a sweet thing to say but now as an adult I realize it was an easy way for him to copout of the relationship and place the blame on us. Anyway years pass and my parents were doing well the first couple of years until I found out my mom was on anti depressants and my dad was getting numerous calls from women he claimed he didnt know. I later find out he had been seeing other women while married to my mom and began seeing CF again. My mom finally decides to divorce him. Her self esteem was shot and she needed to salvage her life. I was so angry with her for not making it work but now know it wasn't possible. Fast forward 2 years and my dad finally reveals to me and my sister that he "just began" seeing CF. I had already liked her so I was excited to see her and show off how much I have grown in the past 6 years. She again was quite nice. We would stay up read books together, shop together and watch TV. Oh yeah I could definitely see her as my future step mother. My dad finally proposes and slowly but surely i start to notice things I loved and held dear disappear. I was away for 2 weeks I later find she convinced my dad to give my dog to the pound. She would tell my dad she was cleaning my room and i notice things i had go missing like my diary. And then after the wedding they come back from the honeymoon to announce her pregnancy. All previous issues aside I was ecstatic. I had always wanted to be a big sister. They then told me I needed to give up my room for the baby. I asked where would I go. They said I'd share a room with my sister. I then informed them that I used to share a room with my sister and because of how different we were we would constantly fight and that option was simply implausible. My stepmom then said "just because you're 18 and in college doesnt mean you're entitled to your own room. I then ask "cant I just have the guest room downstairs? In the last 10 years that we've lived there the guest room was never used not once by anyone but me." She then said," dont be stupid it's a guest room and you are not a guest." So I said that I was moving in fulltime with my mom. My dad called me dramatic and said by a week I'll come crawling back. I sure as hell did not. But he tried to convince me to come back by revamping my sister's room with twin beds. I told him that only she will be staying over so just keep the 1. Eventually though because I didnt go my stepmom convinced my dad that she didnt need to come either. I slowly started to notice my dads family, his brothers, sister, my cousins, and especially my grandmother started treating me weird. My stepmom informed me that since I wasn't a good stepdaughter she pretended to care about my issues record my calls and trick my family into thinking I was saying bad stuff about them. My mother tried to reason with my grandmother to fix my relationship with her, and she told my mom that she knew she'd be calling because CF told her that my mom wants my dad back and will exhaust any and all options to make that happen. My mom then told her that was simply not true and that she would never want to be back with someone as mentally abusive as my dad who cheated on her with as far as she knew 8 women in their 20 year marriage. She then convinced my grandmother to have me over for a visit but she had said that CF had told her how conceited spoiled and selfish and entitled I am. She told me I needed to stay away from my dad so that he and CF can begin their new happily ever after and I needed to learn my place. I then knew I had no family with them so I cut out. The only family I needed was my then boyfriend now husband. From then on she maliciously acted against me and my sister by blocking us in my dads phone, threatening us in horrific texts, telling my dad she'll leave him if she finds out he spends time with us without her supervision, and telling people lies about us so our world becomes lonely. The only person she fears is my husband because he doesn't tolerate her bs. My dad tries to stand up to her and she says she'll hurt herself and tell the police he did it after all "who'd they believe a dainty woman or a 6 foot tall black man." Eventually my dad went from trying to defend us to defending her or saying were reading into situations beyond what they really are. So now 2 more kids later that took my sister's room and a 6 year marriage where my dad is complaining about how mean she is to him but ignores how she and his family treats us this is my reality.
I constantly wonder if this many people believe her about me after knowing me years before her maybe I am spoiled conceited and selfish. But how could I be. Anytime she verbally attacked me or did anything malicious I would never respond just keep my head down and grit my teeth with tears. I had said we needed to get this together so we went to counseling last year because my dad agreed it was getting out of hand with his wife. He then once we got there turned on me and joined in on pointing fingers at me and blamed her behavior on post partum depression and that I was being insensitive because he was afraid of her and didnt want to look bad in front of his pastor who was the counselor. At the end she said "are we good" I nod but know this wasnt the end. My husband and I leave and he said "this isnt over is it" I said, "no she's definitely going to keep harassing us. I just wish I could make this stop." He asked "why won't your dad just divorce her?" I then said, "because my dad says it's a sin and although cheating is a sin this is one that will be made known to everyone and who wants to be known a the guy who got divorced twice and has 5 kids from different marriages." I was so angry because I warned him before he got married that she may do all of what she's done and he simply disagreed and said he wouldnt allow it. A week before my marriage my dad tried to do the same and say I was making a mistake. I told him God guided me to him and my dad said I didnt know Gods voice. My husband and I have been together since I was 16 and he's the only one who's stood by me stood up for me and loved me unconditionally.
My husband and I had gotten pregnant a week or so after the counseling session and left the military last year and moved into a house down the street from my dad. He lent me the car to go to a doctor's appointment but my stepmom harassed me into giving it back while he was at work even though it's an old beaten down car from the early 2000s and they have 2 brand new 2018 cars. my due date last December my husband went to work and I was super sick with a chest cold. I had money but my husband had our only car. I asked my dad if he could drive me to a fastfood restaurant. Since I was too I'll to get up and feed myself or cook. Of course I'd pay. He said no problem. He then pays from my food anyway and brings it to me instead when he arrived he put his arm thru the door to give me the food but couldn't hug me. I then saw her in their car glaring at me through their window. I then knew I shouldn't have asked my dad to help. My husband messaged me while I was eating saying CF messaged him saying the following...
CF: Why would OP call her dad and say she's starving all dramatic and expecting him to drop us his family to help???
Husband: I know she's sick today and probably too sick to cook so she's probably asking for help since I'm at work.
CF: Can you make sure she doesn't do that anymore. Why would she think that's okay??
Husband: why anyone would want to spend time with their father is beyond me. But you know what it's none of our fucking business and I dont give a shit if you're upset with them having a relationship because as I previously stated it's none of our business and I am currently at work do not message me again.
CF: UMM RUDE MUCH? YOU NEED TO LEARN RESPECT AND SHOULD BE ASHAMED YOU CAN'T EVEN TAKE CARE OF YOUR WIFE. LEARN HOW TO BE A REAL ADULT AND LEAVE US ALONE.
I later found out what was said and was mortified. But honored he defended me like that. I later told my dad what happened and said to not do me favors ever again. He told me she told him if he went to feed me she'd harass me and my husband and make us sorry. He said he was sorry and that when he got home she said "LOOK WHAT OP'S HUSBAND SAID TO ME ARE YOU GOING TO LET HIM TALK TO ME LIKE THAT?!" he simply said that's what she gets for attacking us. On Christmas eve I gave birth to my son and made it clear to my dad his wife isn't allowed me or my husband and especially not my son. He understood. At the hospital he came in and told my husband not to talk to his wife like that again even though he understood why he did. I WAS PISSED. My husband was the only one who stood up to her for me and he was taking away from that. I ended up putting it out of my head so I can focus on the joy of my new family. But I have to be honest this relationship costs way more than it's worth. And that's what I realized 2 weeks ago. My grandfather passed away. And I had to go be with the family. The whole time CF was waiting on my grandma hand and foot to keep up appearances and kept getting mad at me for doing things that helped because it took away from her attention. She then started getting close to my son knowing how mad itd make me and passive aggressively hugging me and smiling smug at me from across the room knowing I made it clear I never wanted to see her again or have her meet my son. When she tried to hug me goodbye I ignored her and my family was looking at me like I was a bitch. I then caved and hugged her. She smiled a shit eating grin and said "your baby is sooooooo beautiful I'm so glad I got to see him." I then fumed and rolled my eyes. All things considered I felt like I handled the day pretty well. Until i had 2 anxiety attacks that weekend i then went out with a friend got locked out of the house and had to sleep in my car with the busted window that broke a couple says ago and I caught a cold. While I was in the car... all I could think was how angry I was at my dad. He lived right down the street from me and I could not call him otherwise I'd get harassed for asking for help. I then realized my issue was really with him and only partially her because HE is my dad and should be there for his kids. My sisters on. Bowling league that he used to take her to every Tuesday and she made him stop. I raged and blocked him on everything including my phone. I wasn't going to allow him to take away from my life and my family. My son deserves a present mother and my husband deserves a strong wife and my sister deserves a real family.
My mom made my dad spend time with me a week later. He told me so many lies to try to appease me to not lose our relationship and so I'd go to the funeral. He even at random brought up his ex (one he cheated on my mom with) and how she knew his dad and wanted to comfort him and he was thinking of visiting her soon. I just felt disgusted but spent the day with him. Idk what tomorrow is going to bring us in our relationship but I honestly need help and advice... my husband is great support but all of his suggestions require violence and anger and confrontation because he hates seeing me hurt.
I honestly dont see this ever ending... it's been a 12 year affair.
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
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bibzm6
|
28/04/2019
| 2
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/bibzm6/demeaning_stepdad/
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step child
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So my mum began her relationship with my SD only 1 year after my dad passed away in 2011 and were then married 4 years later. My mum is my best friend in the world and our family is like home. Loving and fun and the best, so I was surprised when they came home from a holiday and told me they were engaged, no one in our family had any idea and I awkwardly cried in front of them both, and had to try and say I was happy through tears, but I was shocked and unsure. He hadn’t really fit in with our family and we all just assumed their relationship wouldn’t last and my mum was lonely (my mum and Dad had been together since she was 14) I know we all grieve differently and I know my mum will always love my dad and misses him a lot but I just don’t understand how she married such a demeaning, horrible, odd man.
My mum has always been a strong person, but she is the complete opposite with him. They have only recently started living together (1 year) and he sold his house and moved into our family home, but since then he has got worse. He belittles her, yells and swears at her. When they have an argument he won’t talk and will ignore her, block her calls and sometimes go stay at his work (he has his own business) and won’t tell her if he’s coming home.
He expects my mum do all the ‘wifely duties’, cook and clean for him, make his lunch and he never helps around the house (she has had to hire a handyman). If my mum is sick he gets angry at her for not going to work and will never ask how she feels or offer affection. My mum recently asked him to care a little more and he turned around and said that everything is all about her and called her a little bitch and left.
He has very strong religious and racist views, which is so opposite of my mum. If she snores he will yell ‘fuck off’ so loudly it wakes her up and sometimes will push her in the back so hard it jolts her awake. He says that her house is not theirs (which I understand it would be strange to move in to the family home) but says that he respects her house and abides by her rules when he is there so she needs to abide by his rules at work (my mum works for him).
I’m 28f and know that there’s not much I or my older brother can do, but it is so hard to hear all these things from my mum, watch her cry and be scared when he comes home and always tread on eggshells around him. He has never hit her but to me this is mental abuse. I have spoken to my mum about it but she doesn’t want to make things worse so always just let’s it slide and gets over it and they never sort out their problems. She doesn’t seem happy, she says she looks forward to the good times in their relationship.
He acts like everything is fine around us and out of respect for my mum and to not make things worse for her I can’t say anything to him. I am struggling to keep pretending that I like him and get really worked up and sad about it. I don’t even want to look at him but have to act like it’s all fine when I go around to visit but I just don’t know if I can anymore. My mum is not my mum with him and it’s so hard to watch. I wish I could yell at him and tell him how horrible he is being but I know I can’t and I want to scream so loudly. I know my mum knows we don’t like him a lot but recently I’ve considered telling her that I just can’t pretend anymore and that I can’t be around him but I know that would break her heart. I love my mum with all my heart and have no idea what to do. I’m pretty sure the answer is nothing. There is nothing I can do but just hope she realises the negative impact he has on our family and the hold he has over her. I’m not hopeful. Any advice would be amazing.
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Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts
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yc0tsn
|
24/10/2022
| 4
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https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/yc0tsn/am_i_wrong_for_loving_both_my_stepmoms/
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step child
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When I (14m) was 9 my parents got divorced because my dad (39m) cheated on my mom (40f) with Christie (35f). I was sad they were getting divorced and I didn’t take any side.
My mom met Angela (32f) when I was 10 and married her when I was 11 and my dad married Christie when I was 12.
I will be honest and say that I love Christie and Angela they both treat me like I’m their own son and me and Christie have lots of shared interests while me and Angela are both huge movie nerds so we like to watch films together. I feel bad for loving my stepmoms so much and I feel like I should hate Christie for being my dad’s mistress but I just can’t bring myself to hate her.
Yesterday Christie dropped me off at my mom’s and I said “bye Christie I love you”. My mom overheard and looked upset but didn’t say anything. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely love my mom but we just don’t have many things in common so we don’t tend to hang out a lot when I’m at her house instead it’s just me and Angela that hang out. Christie also tends to help me with my homework since my mom is just not very good with it and is also quite busy so me and Angela spend time alone together most of the time and it’s always fun to hear her stories about her family and her funny stories from back in her home country (she is Australian).
I love my stepmoms just as much as my real mom and I feel bad about it so am I wrong for loving my stepmoms?
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Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
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yxqykg
|
17/11/2022
| 1
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https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/yxqykg/is_it_okay_that_i_love_my_stepparents_as_much_as/
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step child
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Throwaway account btw
I (15m) have broken up parents (they were never married). My mom (38f) and my momma (40f) broke up when I was 11. They have since moved on and have been dating other people.
My mom has been with my stepmom Katie (36f) for the last 3 years and they got married 5 months ago. Katie has always treated me like I’m her own and has told me that she loves me like if I was her own son. My momma has been with my other stepmom Sheri (41f) for the past two years and they will be getting married in January.
Sheri has also been another mom to me and has always tried to be a great stepmom to me. I honestly love my stepmom’s as much as my real moms and I feel bad about that, I don’t
Know why but I do. Anyways my birthday is coming up in about a week and I really want all 4 of my moms to be there but it falls on my momma’s custody time and I’m scared she will say no.
I don’t know what to do and I’m looking for advice on how to ask my momma and I’m also wondering if it’s okay to love all 4 of them the same. Can anyone help me?
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Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
|
pu83fs
|
24/09/2021
| 18
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/pu83fs/i_need_advice/
|
step child
|
​
Hi reddit. I made this throwaway because I really need a stepparents/stepkids advice. I wanted someone to tell me if im wrong for feeling upset. I feel like i’m being selfish, which makes me feel like terrible. My parents divorced at a very young age because my birth father was really abusive to my mom and I haven’t seen him since. My mom married my stepdad when I was (16f) was 5 and they had my younger brothers and sister.
Sometimes i feel like i don’t belong, and that they would be this perfect family where everyone is related if i didn’t exist. i’m scared that my mom resents me because if i didn’t exist then maybe she would have no remains of my dad. i’m scared that she hates me because maybe she could have left sooner if she didn’t get pregnant with me. i’m scared my stepdad hates me because i’m assuming he hates me dad. i’m scared he thinks that i’m wasting his money because i’m not his kid. i’m scared that he doesn’t love me at all, because i already know that i’m probably the least loved in the house. I’m scared that he only deals with me because he loves my mom and not because he wants me. I really wish he was my real dad
I’m so scared to be anything less than perfect because his love is conditional. i’m so tired of trying to be perfect so that he doesn’t hate me. i babysit my siblings, i have a job, i get good grades, i play a sport, i always clean, and i’m not disruptive or rude at home.
i feel bad for feeling guilty because at least my mom didn’t leave me with my dad, and at least i get to have enough to eat, and that i get a room, and the opportunity to do lots of things. i know a lot of people don’t get these things. I’m so tired of feeling like i’m not enough, and a burden. I just want to relax. Usually i’m ok, but i haven’t been able to stop crying recently. Everyone is asking why I’m upset but I just tell them i’m stressed about school so they leave me alone.
I love my stepdad and wish he was my real dad, and I obviously love my mom
​
edit: I talked to my stepdad. He told me that he didn’t know that I felt the way I did, and had no reason to worry. He told me that I made him a dad and that he will always love me just the same. He told me that my dad was a bad person but he doesn’t hate me because of what he did. He said that I was part of the reason he married my mom. He said that i can make mistakes and he would still love me even if he was mad at me. he told me that he had always wanted to adopt me but didn’t want to pressure me, and that he would love me the same even if I said no. He said if I said yes and my bio dad made it impossible, he’d adopt me the day i turn 18. He said his love for me in unconditional. I told him i want him to adopt me and he was so happy he cried. thank you for your advice!
i talked to my mom! She didn’t even know that I was stressed. She said that she loved me and that no part of her resents me. she said i gave her the courage to leave my dad. She said my stepdad loves me and that they’re both proud of me and need me in their lives. She said that i am a part of her and will always be. she said that i’m allowed to make mistakes and that it’s ok and she’d be there. but she said i should continue being good if i could haha
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Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
|
gg66i7
|
09/05/2020
| 5
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/gg66i7/i_got_an_amazing_step_dad/
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step child
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It’s around 3 years and extremely kind and concerned about me and my sisters wellbeing. I also went from Cs and Ds to straight As. He’s been nothing but helpful.
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Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
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110tl55
|
12/02/2023
| 9
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/110tl55/i_treated_my_stepmom_poorly_and_feel_awful_about/
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step child
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Hey everyone, I'm (16m) and my mom died when I was 8 years old. My Dad remarried to my stepmom Elizabeth (34f) when I was around 10 years old. Elizabeth or Lizzie as she likes to be called has always treated me with kindness and love, I have not reciprocated it. In fact I treated her poorly for a long time because I thought she was trying to come in and replace my mom. Last year my Dad got sick and now he's in hospice care, my Dad asked Lizzie to become my legal guardian so I wouldn't be seperated from my siblings (5f and 3m), and because my dad's side of the family isn't involved in my life. Its only taken this for me to realize how much Lizzie loves me and now I feel awful cause of the way I treated her for years. I want to apologize and make it up to her but don't know how to, can any fellow stepkids or stepparents or just anyone in general help me please?
​
tldr-I treated my stepmom Lizzie badly and now want to apologize but don't know how to.
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Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
|
mo5yqr
|
10/04/2021
| 1
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/mo5yqr/step_dad_troubles/
|
step child
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My parents had an awful divorce when I was 2 and my mom got 100% custody of the kids. My mom had always been a single mom and there was never an issue with that. She never talked about wanting a partner or anything and even talked about how she would never get married again. My mom and I have always been very close. We’d watch movies or tv shows together whenever we had time and talk constantly.
When I was 15 she met and married a guy within 6 months of knowing him. It’s been over 3 years now and they’re incredibly happy together. I love that he makes her happy but he’s always made it a competition for my moms attention/love. We didn’t get along great but I’ve never had a dad/father figure before. He’s kind of an angry man and super small things would set him off at times. We are both very headstrong and opinionated people who would argue and my poor mom would get in the middle of it. Now that I’ve moved out, everything has been mostly good between us.
He had surgery a few days ago to get a growth removed and the doctor said it looks cancerous but they won’t know for sure for a few more days. We’ve never been friends or anything but the thought of him dying is terrifying. I know cancer doesn’t = death but I didn’t think I would have such a big reaction to the possibility of losing him. He’s the first man my mom has truly loved since my bio father and at this point he’s a part of our family (even though none of us liked him at the beginning). I just don’t know what to do.
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Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
|
10vinlk
|
06/02/2023
| 7
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/10vinlk/i_would_like_advice/
|
step child
|
Hey uhh, throwaway account. To really anyone, I would like some advice
Do any of you stepkids call your non bio parents mom/dad? If so do you have any advice considering I have a stepfather and he has become a really big inspiration and part of my life since my bio dad passed away in 2018 and he’s been in my life almost 5 years now.
I am considering starting to call him my dad due to the fact that is how I see him and he has done so much for me within the past 5 years. And I feel like it would be the finishing thing to do.
He already knows and acknowledges that he is my stepfather. But he has become more of a dad to me. And so from your perspective. What would be the do’s and don’t’s to this situation and how could I go about it in your opinion?
As well of the fact I am up to the idea of starting to consider him as my dad because I am finally starting to accept the loss of my bio dad. I am more than up to calling him dad now and have been considering asking him to adopt me. In your own view as a fellow stepkid, what next steps do you recommend I take?
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Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
|
117tdpt
|
21/02/2023
| 3
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/117tdpt/stepmom_told_me_she_was_proud_of_me_today/
|
step child
|
So I am (15m) and I have a Stepmom named Julie (40f). She married my dad last year, my mom has been dead for the last 5 years. Julie has tried her hardest to bond with me but we just don't have many similar interests. So I had a soccer game yesterday and she was the one who came out and watched me. So me and my team managed to win and after the game Julie came up and hugged me and kissed my forehead and told me how she was so proud of me. We then went home and later I was checking social media and saw that she posted how she was becoming a "soccer mom" due to me winning. Im glad she's my stepmom.
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Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
|
lsqmbf
|
26/02/2021
| 10
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/lsqmbf/sm_miscarriage/
|
step child
|
I’m 14 and I have a stepmom who I really like. She isn’t the first stepmom I’ve had and I’ve known her for around a year now. We get along really well, watch TV together, etc. A month ago she told us she was pregnant and me and my older brother were excited. We have 4 half siblings so we definitely like kids in this family. Today she told me she’s going to get an ultrasound and she was worried because she’s been bleeding. My dad is out of town and I felt really bad because she had to go alone. When she came back, I asked how it went and she said not good. We took the dog for a walk and she kind of blurted out that there won’t be a baby. I told her it’s okay and that I’m sorry and we changed the subject kind of quickly. She went right up to bed when we got back and I don’t know what to do. I want to give her space, but I don’t want her to feel alone. My mom offered kind words and I’m unsure if I should relay them to my SM. My dad won’t be back for a couple days and I don’t want her to sit alone until then. I was thinking I’ll let her be alone tonight and tomorrow I’ll get her churros or chips or ice cream maybe. Any thoughts or suggestions?
I’m fine by the way, I know that these things happen and I didn’t get my hopes up much just in case. I just don’t want her to feel alone or have too horrible an experience
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Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
|
11bd702
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25/02/2023
| 3
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/11bd702/my_stepdad_passed_and_i_hate_my_new_one_how_do_i/
|
step child
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My parents divorced when I was about six years old. My dad had some drug problems growing up and has been absent since the divorce. Not long after my mom met a guy, we'll call him G. G was incredibly nice to me and did so many fun things. He had a few kids close in age to me and it was fun to have siblings. He bought boats every summer and we would go boating every summer. He had a nice house too and he was a good role model. I loved having him around. I played a bunch of sports and was a straight A student and was incredibly happy. As the years went on my dad got terminally ill. I was super worried for him and G was very supportive and even befriended my dad. He was really a truly amazing guy. He might be one of the most amazing guys I've ever known. Sadly. as the years went on, he started battling with his kids and drinking as well. He seemed to be incredibly depressed and sadly took his own life. I took the death pretty hard. My life wasn't that great outside of when he was around and it just spiraled from there. My grades slipped, I quit sports, and I had no desire to make friends or do anything outside of sitting in my room doing nothing. A year or so later, my mom started dating again. I'll admit it hurt but I knew she needed to move on and so did I. She has been going out with this guy and I cannot stand him. I tried to do some reflection with a therapist about it, it isn't that I don't like him because he's not G, its that I just cannot stand him. He's from New York and has the most obnoxious personality. He had a gold tooth and has the most obnoxious stories of when he sold drugs in Queens back in the eighties. He doesn't listen to anyone but himself. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. What is so annoying is how he grabs my mom and cuddles with her on the couch. It is so disgusting to me that I actually dry heave. At least when I have a boyfriend or guy over I keep to myself and stay quiet. Whats worse is I get little to no warning about it. He even ruined my birthday. When I turned seventeen he threw me a birthday party. He made fun of me the whole time and mauled my mom. It was so uncomfortable I almost called one of my guy friends to pick me up from my own birthday party. But thats not the worst of it. On the way there he kept insulting the homeless people on the side of the road. I couldn't believe he was doing that. I was so pissed off. Then on the way back he kept insulting them even after I told him to stop. I kept telling my mom to pull the car over and that I will walk home. After that, I didn't get one direct apology or even word from him. I am currently a senior in high school and am going out of state for college in the fall. I am trying to be polite but I cannot stand him so much I just come off as rude. This was a lot longer than I expected but I think I just need some advice or words to get me through until fall. Im hoping that I can do it without loosing my mind or ruining a relationship with my mom.
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Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
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lthl10
|
27/02/2021
| 4
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https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/lthl10/how_should_i_write_a_letter_to_my_stepmom/
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step child
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(Fair Warning this is going to be long so you can kind of understand the backstory)
My parents divorced when I was 4 years old. My Dad got full custody of me, my twin sister and my older brother not because of issues with my Mom but because she felt we were better off with our Dad(Neither parent ever said bad things about the other). Growing up, my biological parents lived in different states and we would visit our Mom on school breaks.
Anyways, my Dad re-married to my stepmother who he is still married to too this day when I was 6 to 6 1/2 Years of Age. When she married my Dad she had no kids of her own. She must've really loved my Dad and had a lot of courage to marry a single father with full custody of his 3 children(shortly after down to 2 because my older brother wanted to go live with our Mom not because of our stepmom but because he missed her) with no children of her own at the time and become essentially, a stay-at-home Mom(though later had 2 children with my Dad).
Looking back, I realize she did a LOT for me. She was the mother figure in the house who occupied that role and cooked, taught us manners and how to do chores, helped us and did the maternal side of things. She took me to doctors and orthodontist appointments, said nightly prayers with us, comforted us, helped with homework, when I was little before I could make my own school lunch she would write notes in our lunches about how she loved us, played board games with me, talked about life, yelled at this one girl who was bullying me in the 3rd grade to get her to stop, went to parent teacher and IEP Conferences, etc...etc...
I remember when I was young i.e. pre-8th grade I'd tell people sometimes that she's my stepmom but might as well be my Mom. I guess she was the one who was there in that role. My mother never felt like an absent parent and I talked to her a lot on the phone but, it was pretty hard not having her around physically on a regular basis if you know what I mean. If she said yes to something it felt more official than if my Dad said so. I cannot remember a single time growing up where I ever felt like she was jealous of me and/or did not want my Dad to spend time with me or my other two siblings.
My Dad is an amazing father who has done a LOT for all of his children and is very loving and caring on a deep level. However, he is not really capable of discipline i.e. he lacks a backbone and if I ever got told "wait until your Dad gets home" I would not have been worried or scared at all. Sadly that meant she had to be the bad guy most of the time in terms of rule enforcement and discipline and obviously that's not easy to deal with as the stepparent and must've been frustrating to deal with at times. Honestly, if she had never entered the picture me and my siblings could've EASILY turned out to be spoilt brats.
I usually felt loved by her and she always meant right by me but, at times we would butt heads and have our differences. Sadly at times we would REALLY butt heads to the point where I decided for the 9th grade to go live with my Mom and then came back because I really missed my hometown and friends and the school I went to. I am diagnosed with Autism and while I am high-functioning now, through the 3rd grade, I was one of those kids that had a helper with them so that meant while I was not a bad child I was not the easiest child to deal with.
I remember a lot of times growing up at dinner she would seem absolutely drained and stressed out and now I can see why. It is not easy to be a stay-at-home parent to four children and cook meals and deal with all of that while most of the time having to be the bad guy who enforces rules.
Looking back though, I am fortunate and grateful she entered my life. Her family all accepted me to the point where I never say step-uncle or step-grandma I just say grandma and uncle because they might as well be. I never felt like I wasn't treated equally or ever felt like an outsider. I do not label my two younger siblings as half-siblings but just siblings because they might as well be, I grew up with them and they are not half people but full. I would not be the man I am today had she never entered my life. She taught me a lot and tried her best to do what she felt was right for me even if at the time I was NOT happy with it. I am grateful that because of her entering my life, I had a two-parent household, had a maternal influence growing up and she did a lot of mothering things that at times was probably not super easy for her to do especially when I was little due to my being Autistic.
There were times when I had been disrespectful to her that I feel bad about. Nothing horrible but, typical kid stuff that I would want to apologize to her for. Despite the fact we are not close, I believe that growing up she did love me and wanted the best for me and I still feel that she cares about me and wants to me to succeed and be a happy, well-adjusted and successful adult.
Sadly, to this day we are not close. If we cross paths she is friendly and we talk and at times she has sent texts saying things like "It was good to see you" "Glad you got the job" "Happy Birthday", etc...etc... Due to personality clashes, butting heads and what-not our relationship got somewhat strained from 2015 to 2019-ish though at times we would cross paths 2017-2019 and she'd be friendly and i'd be friendly back. Both my Mom and Dad said she feels a lot of guilt about how things turned out and wishes things would've gone better between us as do I. I realize I am very lucky that she entered my life and overall, she made my life and me as a person, of better quality.
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Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
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ylb8ln
|
03/11/2022
| 4
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/ylb8ln/is_it_okay_that_i_love_both_my_mom_and_my_stepmom/
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step child
|
Hello I (15m) have divorced parents. They divorced when I was 6. My dad (39m) met my stepmom Cheri (44f) when I was 7 and they married when I was 10. My mom (37f) on the other hand has never really had a stable relationship.
For example her first boyfriend didn’t have any interest in me so she dumped him. Her second one tried to come in and act like he was my dad and would actively pick fights with my dad. Her third boyfriend tried to get her to either move with him or have her custody days changed so I wouldn’t be with her as often, that pissed her off and she thankfully dumped that pos last year.
Anyways I have always been fairly close with Cheri and she is basically my second mom and I love her a lot. Cheri has always been there for me and is the one parent in my life that I feel the most comfortable to talk too. Now my mom has always seemed jealous that I love Cheri and what really set her off was when I called Cheri momma when I was 12.
Cheri recently told me that if I wanted to I could call her mom but I don’t know if it would upset my mom. I love both of them but I don’t want to upset anyone. Does anyone have advice?
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Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
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ygqkrg
|
29/10/2022
| 6
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/ygqkrg/should_i_call_my_stepmom_just_mom/
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step child
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My (16m) stepmom Toni (38f) has been in my life since I was 5. My mom passed away when I was 3. Toni has really been the only mom I can remember having. My dad didn’t erase my bio mother from my life as I have some photos and videos of her in our house but aside from that I don’t really have much to remember her by. I do still see my maternal family as well but a few years ago we moved to a different state and so now I only see them sometimes in the summer when I stay with them.
Toni really has been the only mom I have had for a long time. I remember that she was the one that helped me when I broke my leg when I was 8 and she drove me to the hospital and stayed with me every chance she could. When I was younger she was the one that read me bedtime stories and would kiss me on the forehead and tell me goodnight. Toni was the one that would help me with homework and Toni was the one who always made sure I was happy and well taken care of.
I absolutely love and adore Toni and she is without a doubt in my mind “my” mom. Now I have wanted to call Toni mom for a really long time but I’ve been to scared to ask her if it was okay to or not. I really don’t know how to ask her and a tiny part of me feels like I would be betraying my bio mom’s memory by asking so I don’t know what to do.
Please help me internet strangers.
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Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
|
ywiqg7
|
16/11/2022
| 9
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/ywiqg7/my_16m_stepmom_just_asked_to_adopt_me_and_i_dont/
|
step child
|
Hi this is a throwaway account cause I don’t want it traced back to my og one.
My mom died when I was 7 and my dad (38m) married my stepmom Rachel (44f) when I was 8. A part of me feels like he moved on too quick but I realize it was his life and he deserved to be happy again but they got married just after 6 months of dating.
Rachel has always respected my boundaries and has treated me like her own. I love Rachel a lot but I don’t think she could ever really be “my mom”, when I think of my parents I think of my mom and dad first and her as secondary. It doesn’t mean I don’t love her I just don’t love her the same as my mom.
Well tonight my dad had to work late so it was just me and Rachel. We were watching a movie when she said she wanted to ask me an important question. I asked what was up and she told me that she knows I still miss my mom and that it’s completely fine but that she also really loves me and that it’s up to me but she would like to adopt me because she loves me so much and wants me to have the benefits of an adoption.
She gave me time to think and I honestly don’t know what to do. Apart of me wants to say yes and another part of me wants to say no. I still love and miss my mom so much but I also love Rachel and I don’t know what to do. I feel like I have to choose between my real mom and my second mom and I don’t know who to choose.
Can anyone give me advice cause I really need it.
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Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
|
yvjcqz
|
15/11/2022
| 4
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/yvjcqz/how_do_i_start_calling_my_stepmom_mom/
|
step child
|
I’m (17 male) my mom died when I was 6 and my dad (46 male) married my stepmom Rebecca (49 female) when I was 9. I will admit I have always been what you would call a ‘mama’s boy’, so when my mom died I was absolutely devastated and so when Rebecca came along I immediately attached myself to her.
Rebecca had been an amazing mom to me and I absolutely love her and she is the person I look up to the most. She told me she was t trying to replace my real mom but that she wanted to be a good stepmom to me. Rebecca has always introduced me as her son and when she had my two little sisters (6 female and 4 female) she said that she had 2 daughters and 1 son.
I have always viewed Rebecca as my mom and so now I want to start calling her mom. I’m just really nervous and I kind of feel like it would be hurtful and disrespectful to my real mom’s memory to do so. I don’t know what to do at all so can anyone help me?
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Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
|
yv7mru
|
14/11/2022
| 2
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/yv7mru/just_asked_my_stepmom_to_adopt_me/
|
step child
|
So my (15m) stepmom Janice (29f) has been in my life since I was 9 but not as my stepmom. My bio mom has never been in my life so it was mostly just me and my dad (36m) for a while. Janice was my history teacher and she met my dad at parent teacher conferences.
Within two years they were married. Janice has always been the mom I never had and I love her to death. I started calling her mom when I was 12. Yesterday was her birthday and I had wanted Janice to adopt me for a long time now but I was too scared to ask.
So during her birthday dinner I handed her a card that asked if she would adopt me. She cried and said absolutely. I love my mom and I can’t wait to have her become my legal mom.
Anyways thought I would share something positive. Have a lovely day!
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Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
|
ysw3d4
|
12/11/2022
| 3
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/ysw3d4/how_to_start_calling_my_stepmom_37f_just_mom/
|
step child
|
Hello I’m (14m). My bio mom has never really bothered to be in my life. When I was 2 she had an affair with her boss and then moved to Nevada with him and left me and my dad. She signed her parental rights away when I was 3.
My dad (43m) met my stepmom Vanessa (37f) when I was 6 and they got married when I was 9. She adopted me when I was 10 and she has always treated me like I’m her own child and has always called me her son. I love Vanessa a lot and I want to call her mom but I’m not sure.
I’m not sure because the word ‘mom’ for me carries a negative connotation due to my bio mom walking out on me and never bothering to see me after birthing me and raising me for two years. It hurts even more because I have old home videos of her and I see her saying how much she loves me and it sucks.
Anyways Vanessa has always been there for me and I love her so much and I want advice on how to start calling her mom. Does anyone have advice for me?
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Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
|
12testk
|
20/04/2023
| 7
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/12testk/how_do_i_get_my_stepmom_to_stop_being_so/
|
step child
|
Me (15 male), my stepmom Marjorie (45 female)
I've known my stepmom Marjorie since I was a little kid. My parents got divorced and my real mom was fully out of the picture by the time I was eight. My dad married Marjorie when I was seven. After my mom was out of the picture Marjorie really stepped up and became a mother figure to me and I am greatly appreciative of her. Last year my dad passed away suddenly in a car accident and it seems as if ever since then Marjorie has always been very overprotective of me. She was made my legal gurdian after he died so that is why im still with her and not other family. Marjorie no longer lets me go out with friends after school, won't even let me stay up late on the weekends, has this need to be around me most of the day, won't let me get a job, etc, etc. I love her but it is super annoying, whenever I am around her she basically clings to me and acts like if I want to be left alone then I am abandoning her. She attempts to spend every waking moment with me when sometimes I just want to be left alone. On top of all that she keeps babying me and acting like she has to help me with EVERYTHING, whether it be from doing my laundry to making a sandwhich. I love my stepmom, I really do but I am just tired of her being so overprotective. Can anyone please help me with this?
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Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
|
zb1cam
|
02/12/2022
| 1
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/zb1cam/my_step_mom_told_me_i_mean_the_world_to_her/
|
step child
|
My (14 male) birth mom died giving birth to me. My dad married my (step) mom Vanessa (41f) when I was 3. Vanessa is the best mom I could have ever asked for. She’s always shown me motherly love and has always been there for me.
My dad got sick and passed away last year and Vanessa was made my legal guardian. Vanessa and I took it really hard and we will always miss him. But now we have moved on and been living happy since. Vanessa told me she might try dating again but she isn’t sure. Anyways we had a pretty good day today, when she picked me up from school we sat on our couch together and watched a movie.
Afterwards she helped me with homework and then she told me that I mean the world to her and that it doesn’t matter what anyone says, she will always be my mom. It kind of made me cry a little. Well just wanted to share something positive on this sub, hope you have a great day!
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Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
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z23h4z
|
22/11/2022
| 4
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/z23h4z/just_started_calling_my_stepmom_mom/
|
step child
|
My (14 male) real mom died when I was 5 and my stepmom Emily (38f) married my dad (34m) when I was 8. I love Emily a lot and she is the only mom I have memories of. Emily has always been the most loving and caring person I know even when she was just dating my dad she would babysit me and do all the mom stuff like read me stories, play with me,just do fun things with me,etc.
Today I decided that Emily deserves to have the title of mom so when she made breakfast this morning I said “thank you mom”. Her face just lit up and she gave me a huge hug and told me that she loves me more than anything. I love my mom.
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Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
|
xt345p
|
01/10/2022
| 7
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/xt345p/my_stepparents_are_awesome/
|
step child
|
So I (15m) have been reading some of the posts on here and they are all mostly depressing (ie stepparents treating you like crap etc) so I wanted to remind people that there are good stepparents out there
My stepmom Sophia is one of the kindest women ever and she has always treated me like one of her own kids (she has 2 my brother Jay and sister Emily) and yesterday after me and my boyfriend (14m) went to our school’s homecoming dance she picked me up and she told me how proud she was of me for asking a boy to go with me which was something she never got the courage to do afterwards we got ice cream and went home.
My stepdad John is an awesome guy due to me and him being the only males at my mom’s house (other than me and him it’s just my mom,twin sister,and sister Sarah) we tend to spend a lot of time together.One time he took me fishing and it was really fun even though we only caught a couple fish and he has told me that even though I’m not his biological kid he will always see me as his son.
So I hope this made someone’s day better knowing that there are stepmoms and stepdads that love their step kids as much as their own kids
Have a wonderful day
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Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
|
yo8vsu
|
07/11/2022
| 6
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/yo8vsu/is_it_bad_that_i_love_my_stepmother/
|
step child
|
Hello I (14f) have known my stepmom Lauren (37f) since I was 8. My parents divorced because my dad (41m) cheated with Lauren but they kept me shielded from the divorce and my mom (46f) has never spoken badly of my dad.
Now I need to say that I absolutely love my mom. We are extremely close and I love her a lot but last year she moved two hours away so now I only see her every other weekend. Now I also need to say is that I also love Lauren alot.
Lauren has always sort of been my second mom and 4 years ago she gave birth to my baby brother. Yesterday Lauren told me that if I wanted to call her mom I could. Now I do want to but I feel like because she is an affair partner it would be disrespectful to my mom. I just don’t know what to do and I really need advice.
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Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
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